Thursday, 30 September 2021

Awards Ceremony! | Silmaril Awards 2021

So. The villains who weren’t shortlisted have been politely asked to leave, the edge of a curtain and also an odd circular patch in the lawn have been set on fire, several villain-to-villain farewells have been topped with a promise of eternal friendship (by which I mean "my good friend, your flair for villainy is commendable, if you ever need an ally in a plan I’d be touched if you thought of me, I love murder"), and a portal has been opened up in my bathtub because aPPARENTLY the front door wasn’t dramatic enough to leave by.

I’m just happy I didn’t need to call the dragons to drive them out.

So this leaves us, of course, at the final round of the award:

 

Most Nefarious Villain: Awards Ceremony


Presented, of course, by Saruman, noted Istari from Middle Earth!

Excuse me for a moment while I just blibbityblobbitybloop myself into a third person side character.

*crackling static*

Tuesday, 14 September 2021

Voting Opens! | Silmaril Awards 2021

So it's one week in, and my house is full of villains. Which I suppose I did sign up for, literally, I put my name in the box an' all, but there are?? One hundred and two of them? Actually it might be a hundred and three, it's difficult to keep track, there are a couple of them currently speedwalking laps of the kitchen table while giving out-of-breath evil monologues and I'm not sure which of them is chasing who.

And among that one hundred and two, there have been some definite reader favourites!

Unfortunately, even among those favourites, not everyone can go in the running for a Silmaril Award. We have to be very picky. After all, there is but one Nefarious Villain Silmaril, and – I believe I might have mentioned already – there are a hundred and two villains

Which is why only the top five – as nominated by your good selves, and tallied up by my own numb fingers! – will make it to the voting round. 

So let's have a moment here to applaud all the lovely nominees. Very nefarious, folks, very nefarious. I've heard some quite elegant monologues (and some terrible ones, but I'm not naming names, because I am rather fond of my ears being attached). Three plates and a floral teapot have fallen, as poor innocent bystanders (again, I'm not naming names here, but to save myself from the wounded honour of the English villains I will specify that it was not any of them. Or any of the other tea-drinkers. Of which there seems to be an unreasonably high percentage among the villains, and if they haven't been spotted drinking tea they always give me the impression of being tea-drinkers, so I have some questions here. Namely, does evil naturally gravitate to tea, or does too much tea make one evil.)

I think someone ate my petunias. I'm afraid to ask who.

Tuesday, 7 September 2021

Nominations Open! | Silmaril Awards 2021

(So. Let me just. Take a moment for the jitters.)

(Stress? who, me? there is absolutely no reason that I would be nervous, wha-ha-hat– Did you hear an explosion outside or was that just my imagination? I'm in sudden fear for the lives of my petunias–) 

 

Anyway, it's my pleasure and stress to announce to you all, shouting into the depths of the blogosphere like the slightly hoarse and crazy-eyed gremlin I am:

 

Beloved friends and tolerated acquaintances, it's time
for the 2021 Silmaril Awards!




And not only! am I! hosting?? a category! but also!

It's the villains.


Nominations For the Most Nefarious Villain!

 

How to nominate your favourite bundle of death:

  • Jump in the comments of this post and yell their name! Usually it's "I nominate Captain Hook! his mustache is the epitome of nefariousness in villains!" or something like that, but if you feel like hiring a herald or something to jazz your nomination up a bit, go for it. It's what your villain would want.

Saturday, 28 August 2021

flowers = murder attempt. obviously. (because murder.) | Quirk #8

It's the last Saturday of August and in a shocking turn of events I have a Quirk ready for you to read.  

("But how is that shocking," you say, in your innocence. "You said you would put your Quirk up today?" Ahhhh I remember the naivety of youth, back when things were simple and life was sweet and I had not made a habit of vanishing for full half-years at a time and also I actually READ books instead of bringing them home and then avoiding their accusing gazes until the library demands their return.)

Annnnnyway. A Quirk.

 

“Oooh. Flowers.” Casper leaned in close over Tara’s shoulder, letting the smirk into his voice.

He would have liked to blame her slight jump on his increased sneakiness, seeing how she’d claimed that she, as his guard, was the only reason any of his definitely-not-foolish-what-do-you-mean-Tara-there’s-no-way-this-can-go-wrong-and-anyway-I’m-the-king plans had ever succeeded, and seeing how she had furthermore claimed he’d never have any sneakiness ever, and seeing how his whole self-imposed training thing was admittedly an uncoordinated attempt to prove her wrong. But if he was entirely honest the jump was probably more to do with her attention being transfixed by the giant bouquet of flowers on the table in front of her.

…Of course, he tried to never be entirely honest, what an uncomfortable and chaos-free way that would be to live. So he could probably give at least half a point to the sneakiness training. He deserved that. Especially since, far from giving him a point if she knew about the training, she would no doubt laugh in his face.