ideas from Pinterest || dialogue: snark

Apparently people have enjoyed my 'ideas from Pinterest' series; the post with explosion-related dialogue prompts is one of the three most popular posts on my blog. Which is awesome. (And disturbing.)

If you haven't read these posts, they're here:

for character couples || for superhero stories || [hopefully] tragic dialogue! || EXPLOSIONS

...feel free to check them out. *winks*

And today - you may have guessed it from the title, but shush, you - I have another dialogue prompt post for you!

Snark. (Sarcasm. Witty banter. That stuff. I'm just going to pretend this is a serious category of dialogue prompts.)

........

"Somehow you don't even have to open your mouth to make my head hurt."

"Don't give me attitude. I have one of my own."

"You can't just sit there all day."
"Never underestimate my ability to idle."

"Turns out separate planets wasn't far enough, huh?"

"Never take advice from me."

"There's no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you fine the first time."

Beware: I'm a Writer || or: meet my family!

Everyone knows writers are dangerous people to be around, right? We have the whole "if you annoy me I'll put you in my book and kill you" thing.

Which I have never done. Yet.

But people-watching is a great way to get new characters. Or figure out how your characters would realistically act. Or get hilarious dialogue. Which is what I'm here for today.

Sometimes I overhear things I reeeally want to use in my writing. And, since I don't leave the house that often, most of these things are overheard from my family.

If you're reading this, my dear family... I'm sorry. But you're living with a writer.

things my family have said (that I want to put in a book one day)

Sister 2: Are you asleep?

Me: ...yes.

Brother 2: "Canada's crashing the holiday bus!"
[I refuse to give you any context.]

Sister: Why is there water in my spot? *stabs it with her fork*

Me: ...why are you wearing sunglasses?
Brother 1: these are not sunglasses
Brother 1: these are night vision glasses
Brother 1: they make it look like it's night

Brother 2: I see two stars in a line!

Brother 2: (singing) You make me wanna shout
                  Kick my heels up and shout
                  Throw my arms up and shout
                  *trails off* ...and catch them?
Me: ...How?
Brother 2: ...with my hands. I kept those.

Sister 1: Do I have conversation in my eyes??

Mum: New rule. No Batman at the dinner table.
Sister 1: *hands still spread over her face in a 'mask'* *raspy voice* But... I'm Batman.
Mum: No.
Sister 1: ...
Sister 1: *dives under table*
Sister 1: *comes back out, rather disheveled* Batman had to go.
[We'd just seen the trailer for The Lego Batman Movie. Just. the. trailer.]

Mum: What are you doing on the roof?

General sibling group: ...what?

Mum: What are you doing on the roof?

Sister 1: You get too attached to things that are too easily broken.
Brother 2: *clutches his Lego creations protectively*
Brother 2: You used to cry too when it was pack-up time.

Brother 1: Can I borrow your camera? I'll try not to fill it up.

Me: With photos of bugs?

Brother 1: *walking away* *completely seriously* No, dragons. 

Brother 2: *into disconnected radio* Got a coffee, mate, got a coffee?
Me: ...
[I don't know how universal it may or may not be, but Aussie truckies open UHF conversations with "Got a copy, mate?"]

Sister 1: My genius is ruined on you.

Me: I think you mean wasted?

Any sibling: There's a bug in my dinner!!
Dad: It's fine. He won't eat much.
[On the other hand, if it's a caterpillar, the answer is "He only tastes like the cabbage, that's all he's ever eaten..."]

Sister 1: She thinks she's the bee's bonnets.

Sister 1: *drinking*
Me: *comes into kitchen*
Sister 1: *drops cup of water* *slaps her hands across her face in her 'mask'*
               *raspy voice* ...What do you want?
Me: ...
Me: Don't forget to clean that up.
Sister 1: ...but I'm Batman.

_____

Sister 1 is the drama queen of the family (and the possibility of her reading this post is... higher than I'd like.) Do you have siblings, and do they sometimes say downright hilarious things? Or are you the hilarious one in your family? What's the funniest dialogue you've overheard? (doesn't have to be from your family!) Is this standard Dad behaviour, and do you have any message for Sister 1?? (I suggest stop being such a drama queen, kid, but I suppose I'm biased?)

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ideas from Pinterest || theme: EXPLOSIONS

My "ideas from Pinterest" posts have been pretty fun to write. So far there's been:

for couples || for superheroes || tragic dialogue

"Snarky dialogue" is the obvious next step. I'll think about it.

But today - as promised - it's explosions. Coupled with a fair bit of snark.

And in the vein of this theme, let us start with Tony Snark + explosions.

I'm sorry, did I typo and write Tony Snark??
That was obviously an accident

"Technically, it wasn't on fire."
"Of COURSE it wasn't on fire! You completely blew it up!"

"It's only on fire a little bit. You can still use it."

"I said finesse. Do you happen to know the definition of finesse?"

"I'm looking for a place to crash. Mine blew up."

"Do you even know how to drive this thing?"
"Normally I'd lie and say yes, but considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I'm going to assume you know the answer."

"Some gifts are better left unopened. I'm particularly referring to the ones that explode."

"The phrase 'Ignore it and it will go away' does not apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars. Trust me on this one."

"I don't go looking for trouble. I just enjoy befriending it."



"...and then I set the fire."
"No."
"But-"
"No fires."
"But my plan is awesome."
[Third character:]"Since when have we accepted pyromaniacs onto this team?"

"Give me one good reason why I should buy you a cart full of fireworks."

"We can't have a crisis! My schedule is already full."

"In my defense, I was left unsupervised."

"So what're you up to?"
"Nothin' dangerous, if that's what you're asking."
"...Our definitions of dangerous must be sliiightly different."

"The results of an explosion are often very curious."

"Small fire! I said to set a small fire! This is not small!"

"Burning a bridge takes too long. I prefer explosives."

For some reason I can NOT find a gif which includes the explosion??
Which is super annoying because I need it for my life.

*****

Okay, so not all of these were specifically about explosions? but you can make them about explosions. And that's all that matters, really.

Do you write about explosions? Do you have suggestions for themes for my next Pinterest ideas posts? Do you write posts at eleven at night? because I don't recommend it 

Talk to me about anything! including the fact that apparently Iron Man's arc reactor is triangular in this suit?? I did not know that.

Of Cookies and Books

And today we have... *drum roll*... a tag!

Actually, no. Today we have BOOKS. So stop groaning.

okay it's a book tag

Thanks to Julian at Saver of Memories for giving me this opportunity to rave about books! :)

Of Cookies and Books

...Hang on.

A quick word before we get to the books:

I have never eaten a cookie in my life.

OY - there's no need for rotten fruit!!

I'm an Aussie. We call them biscuits. (I believe in the USA 'biscuits' are what you call scones??) And for the same cultural reason I may be changing some of the biscuits. Because what even is a Dutch Snowball??

Yes. I could Google it. But I'm making a point here.

Chocolate Chip || a book that never gets old

Ella Enchanted (Gail Carson Levine) and Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen).

I love the writing style, so - even though I've read them often enough that I know the endings (which are unlikely to have changed since last time) - I still enjoy rereading them. I always come across snippets of humour of dialogue that are worth it, too.

Dutch Snowballs Cornflake and Sultana Biscuits || a book that gave you an unexpected surprise

I don't know what Dutch Snowballs are, so I'm changing this one to Cornflake/Sultana Biscuits. Because you think they're choc-chip and then they're not and you get a mouthful of deceit and betrayal. And biscuits with cornflakes are always stale. I suppose this would be, specifically, an unpleasant surprise. Never mind.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Agatha Christie) certainly surprised me. That twist. I didn't actually realise that was even possible.

Also the ending of All Fall Down (Ally Carter). I didn't see that coming either. (Not the very end, which seemed a little ordinary considering what she'd been through, but the bit just before the end. That bit. If you've read it you know what I'm on about.)

It's really hard to talk about books with surprises without spoiling the surprises. Or else sounding really weird.Or both, which is my usual preference.

[I feel I must add here that, by definition, all surprises are unexpected??]

Molasses Jamdrops || a book with a character that gets in a sticky situation

(Jamdrops were the only biscuits I can think of that could be sticky. Not perfect, but here in Australia, we feed molasses to the cows, not put it in biscuits. [Syrup is used in cooking.])

The False Prince (Jennifer Neilsen) and the rest of the Ascendance Trilogy. Sage gets into more sticky situations than you'd think possible, as you'll know if you've read the books. If you haven't, wHY ARE YOU HERE. DEPART THIS INSTANT FOR YOUR LIBRARY.

(After leaving a comment, obviously.)

Oreo || a book dealing with the light and the darkness

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis) deals thematically with light and darkness, and with great success, I feel.

Jill Williamson's book By Darkness Hid also has to be mentioned... it definitely deals with light and darkness. ;P

Sugar Hundreds and Thousands Biscuits || a book with a sugary sweet villain

This is an Arnotts Hundreds and Thousands biscuit.
Image from Google.

Apparently I read all the wrong books, because no villains fitting that description come instantly to mind. Probably the closest would be Opal Koboi from the Artemis Fowl series (Eoin Colfer). She's not exactly "sugary sweet"... she's a psychotic pixie... but she has great one-liners/insults/comebacks.

Monster Shortbread || a book that confused your emotions

Shortbread confuses me because I'm supposed to like it (everyone else does, apparently) and I don't??

And when I first read "monster cookie", this was the only thing coming to mind -

(I have since checked Google. Your Monster biscuits. I like them. ANOTHER.)
(But why would they confuse your emotions??)

As for books: I recently read Go Set a Watchman and that confused my emotions, let me tell you. It twisted my feelings up and then sat on them. Without having the decency to untangle them afterwards. I have no idea what the ending was. (Confession: I'm waiting for my mother to read it so she can explain.)

Snickerdoodle || a book that made you laugh

Originally I thought 'snickerdoodle' would be one of the first biscuits to go. I mean, I'd never even heard of the thing! Buuut, I can't think of any other biscuits that make me laugh, and snickerdoodles do. Just by their name. So, snickerdoodle, you get to stay.

How to Train Your Dragon, Cressida Cowell; any of Odo Hirsch's books for kids (try Hazel Green or the Will Buster trilogy); the HIVE series by Mark Walden (warning: comes with character deaths).

Also The Red Book (Beck and Matt Stanton).

Probably best if you don't read this picture-book to young children, though.

Peanut Butter || a book with a nutty character

(I have had biscuits with peanuts [didn't like them much], but never a biscuit with peanut butter.)

The Artemis Fowl series (Eoin Colfer) - Opal Koboi is nutty, as is Mulch. Foaly's not entirely stable either (he's a centaur wearing a tin-foil hat, so...)

The Fixer (Jennifer Lynn Barnes) - Asher's a pretty odd character.

Anzac || a book set in Australia

Can you believe, I actually had to make this one up myself??

Operation Foxtrot Five. Independently published by Christian author from Western Australia, D.J. Stutley. Go read the series now. NOW. While it's unlikely you'll find them in your local library, you can buy ebooks directly for ONE. AUSTRALIAN. DOLLAR. Seriously, that's like 80c in America??

(I am not being paid to say this, by the way ;)

Another Australian author is Jackie French; she writes historical and Australian fiction. Her historical books for kids can be great. I recommend Tom Appleby Convict Boy, Soldier on the Hill, Diary of a Wombat (picture book, very funny) and The Shaggy Gully Times (picture book/'newspaper', full of editor's notes in ink, very funny).


And I tried - but couldn't manage - to fit in Tim Tams, because they're awesome. "Two layers of chocolate malted biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling, and coated in a thin layer of textured chocolate." Do you have Tim Tams in the USA? (just checking)


Now you've read my ravings, here are the [original] questions: 

Chocolate chip - a book that never grows old

Dutch snowballs - a book that gave you an unexpected surprise

Molasses - a book with a character that gets into a sticky situation

Oreo - a book that deals with light and darkness

Sugar - a book with a sugary sweet villain

Monster - a book that confused your emotions

Snickerdoodle - a book that made you laugh

Peanut butter - a book with a nutty character

And I tag anyone who wants to do this. Normally I don't take the easy way out - I try to make it personal and tag even just one or two people - but honestly I've been working on this tag longer than it deserves?? and I don't know who's already done it. So. I would love to see anyone take this tag!

And. Since we're talking about books, I am also on Goodreads, and I ALWAYS want book recommendations. I also love knowing when other people I know adore my favourite books. (That sentence didn't make as much sense as it could have. Just go with it.) So feel free to connect with me on Goodreads! I'm very friendly! Truly! What, have you been talking to my sisters??

Have you read any of these books? Want to fangirl with me? Are you confused as to why Artemis Fowl doesn't have a bigger fandom?? (I tried to google images for the quotes? and there were none??) Have you ever read D.J. Stutley's books?? (we will be friends forever and I may suffocate you with my excitement) Am I missing out on great "cookies"? What biscuits would you recommend? Tell me all in the comments!

ideas from Pinterest || [hopefully] tragic dialogue!

Today I've got a [brief] collection of dialogue snippets from Pinterest. I've tried to form a theme, but I'm not terribly good with themes, so here they are: potentially/kind-of tragic dialogue snippets.

Of course, you could rebel and use these in an unexpected way, thereby making them completely-not-at-all-heartwrenching. E.g. if your character addressed the first one to a pizza. Or the second one. Or any of them, really.


"I've lost count of the promises I've broken for you."

"No. Not you. Anyone but you."

"This is highly irregular. They shouldn't have feelings."

"You here to finish me off, sweetheart?"

"Daddy, are we the bad guys?"

"You always smile like you're about to cry."

"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping it to make sure he never knows he's in prison."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky, apparently? No idea who he was, though!

"We've been through a lot together, and most of it was your fault."

"Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture."

"You're not going to lose me, okay? I won't leave y-"

"It hurt once, but I don't feel it any more."

"Freedom doesn't feel like I thought it would."

"If anyone could have saved me it would have been you."

"I'm not sure when I knew you'd never forgive me."

OH I BELIEVE WE WERE TALKING HEARTBEAK??
hERE HAVE SOME QUICKSILVER

If these prompts are depressing, apply them all to food in some way!! don't worry! I promise that next time, my theme will be something along the lines of "EXPLOSIONS!!"

.....

"Battle the monsters in your closet and craft a beautiful poem from their remains."    <-- a little motivation from the CampNaNo emails. Because it's late and I'm tired and can't think of a good way to sign off. (that seems to be the standard situation whenever I'm blogging??)