The Silmaril Awards 2022: Wisest Counselor Award Ceremony

The stage has been set. 

...Not an actual stage. I didn't manage to book the stage/spotlight/audio system setup this year. (They were rented out when I got to the shop. By some people who take their show chickens very seriously.)

Neither do I have a Party Tree, but I do have a enough trees that the garden is full of dappled afternoon light, and there's a nice set of wrought-iron garden chairs in the corner. The fairy lights are set to come on as evening falls, too, which I thought fantasy characters might appreciate more than a glaring spotlight. 

Is this me making excuses for losing the stage and audio system to chicken judging? perhaps.

But, regardless of whether or not I have a stage (with a spotlight), it's time for the winners of Wisest Counselor to be announced!

And now, let me just slip into third person! *snaps fingers aggressively*

The Silmaril Awards 2022: Vote for counselors!

Welcome back, everyone! And first of all, I'd like to call for a round of applause for the nominees for Wisest Counselor. All up you guys have nominated and seconded fifty three wise counselors... and having them milling around my place is so much less stressful than having a hundred and two villains like last year. (My sympathies to DJ Edwardson, who has the task of handling the villains this year.)

My guests have even been giving me advice, because they're so friendly and helpful! Like "Don't procrastinate writing that post, it's better to do what needs to be done straight away," "Looking at your phone isn't a good way of spending your time," "Are you serious right now, child, your time is ticking," "I'M GETTING ANXIETY JUST WATCHING YOU, CAN YOU PLEASE-"

I really should keep these guys around longer. I can learn a lot from them. 

 

Silmaril Awards 2022: Voting for Wisest Counselor!

So here's how it works! While we had fifty three nominations, only five can progress to voting, so I'll introduce the counselors who got the most seconds from you lovely people. Then you follow the link to the voting form, where you have a heavy decision to make: 

Which of the five wise counselors will get your vote?

The Silmaril Awards 2022: Nominations open

Well well well. Here we are, gathered once again for a jolly good time, and I'm very pleased to say I've put on an excellent feed in preparation for a few guests. 

Because! 

 Nominations for Wisest Counselor are open!

And knowing I'm going to be having so many of these highly respected people as guests in my home is a little intimidating, so I've been taking notes from the good folk of the Shire, as they have a bit of experience with hosting parties! I have plenty of food and drink; comfortable chairs from which they can have a good sit-down, a natter, and a bit of a reminisce; and I've set up the backyard in case they want the opportunity to show off their respective skills, like archery or dancing or fireworks.

...I also spoke to some Shire-folk who have a bit of experience with my first house-guest, who is our award-presenter for this category of the Silmaril Awards.... 

Gandalf!

...naturally, he hasn't turned up yet. 

But I'm sure, knowing his history, that he would be fine with us getting started while we wait for him! Firstly, for any newcomers, here's what's going on and how it works: 

Book Week

Why hello there. 

Last week was Children's Book Week here in Australia. So seeing as I work in a field vaguely related to those themes, we got permission to dress up!

...I was basically. the only one at my branch to get into costume. (Except for one girl who came one day as Peter Rabbit, that was cute.)

If you get told you can dress up at work, take advantage of it, kids!! Bring the chaos. Dewit.

Anyway yes. I'm not very experienced with costumes but I dressed up so here are pictures! that's basically all this post will be, tbh.

Mary Poppins, for both the first and last day (crocheted the trimmings myself, for Book Week last year, so I had to wear the hat twice xD) 

Awards Ceremony! | Silmaril Awards 2021

So. The villains who weren’t shortlisted have been politely asked to leave, the edge of a curtain and also an odd circular patch in the lawn have been set on fire, several villain-to-villain farewells have been topped with a promise of eternal friendship (by which I mean "my good friend, your flair for villainy is commendable, if you ever need an ally in a plan I’d be touched if you thought of me, I love murder"), and a portal has been opened up in my bathtub because aPPARENTLY the front door wasn’t dramatic enough to leave by.

I’m just happy I didn’t need to call the dragons to drive them out.

So this leaves us, of course, at the final round of the award:

 

Most Nefarious Villain: Awards Ceremony

Presented, of course, by Saruman, noted Istari from Middle Earth!

Excuse me for a moment while I just blibbityblobbitybloop myself into a third person side character.

*crackling static*

Voting Opens! | Silmaril Awards 2021

So it's one week in, and my house is full of villains. Which I suppose I did sign up for, literally, I put my name in the box an' all, but there are?? One hundred and two of them? Actually it might be a hundred and three, it's difficult to keep track, there are a couple of them currently speedwalking laps of the kitchen table while giving out-of-breath evil monologues and I'm not sure which of them is chasing who.

And among that one hundred and two, there have been some definite reader favourites!

Unfortunately, even among those favourites, not everyone can go in the running for a Silmaril Award. We have to be very picky. After all, there is but one Nefarious Villain Silmaril, and – I believe I might have mentioned already – there are a hundred and two villains. 

Which is why only the top five – as nominated by your good selves, and tallied up by my own numb fingers! – will make it to the voting round. 

So let's have a moment here to applaud all the lovely nominees. Very nefarious, folks, very nefarious. I've heard some quite elegant monologues (and some terrible ones, but I'm not naming names, because I am rather fond of my ears being attached). Three plates and a floral teapot have fallen, as poor innocent bystanders (again, I'm not naming names here, but to save myself from the wounded honour of the English villains I will specify that it was not any of them. Or any of the other tea-drinkers. Of which there seems to be an unreasonably high percentage among the villains, and if they haven't been spotted drinking tea they always give me the impression of being tea-drinkers, so I have some questions here. Namely, does evil naturally gravitate to tea, or does too much tea make one evil.)

I think someone ate my petunias. I'm afraid to ask who.

Nominations Open! | Silmaril Awards 2021

(So. Let me just. Take a moment for the jitters.)

(Stress? who, me? there is absolutely no reason that I would be nervous, wha-ha-hat– Did you hear an explosion outside or was that just my imagination? I'm in sudden fear for the lives of my petunias–) 

 

Anyway, it's my pleasure and stress to announce to you all, shouting into the depths of the blogosphere like the slightly hoarse and crazy-eyed gremlin I am:

 

Beloved friends and tolerated acquaintances, it's time
for the 2021 Silmaril Awards!

And not only! am I! hosting?? a category! but also!

It's the villains.

Nominations For the Most Nefarious Villain!

 

How to nominate your favourite bundle of death:

• Jump in the comments of this post and yell their name! Usually it's "I nominate Captain Hook! his mustache is the epitome of nefariousness in villains!" or something like that, but if you feel like hiring a herald or something to jazz your nomination up a bit, go for it. It's what your villain would want.
  
  

Cover Reveal || Ships, Secrets and Survivors

An assassin trainee fleeing his profession.

A princess risking her reputation.

A talking ship with a mad captain.

Today you all get to see the cover for Ships, Secrets, and Survivors, the creation of our blogosphere's very own Sarah Rodecker and Julian Daventry (Helena George)!!

Sarah Rodecker and Helena George have done countless crazy things together since they first met in 2005. One such thing was write Ships, Secrets, and Survivors on a dare. It went so well, they decided to expand it into a series and publish it together.

Firstly, though, let's have a bit more about Ships, Secrets and Survivors!

An assassin trainee fleeing his profession.

A princess risking her reputation.

A talking ship with a mad captain.

Ravin should be dead. No one forsakes the assassin profession and lives. Attempting to evade capture and certain death, Ravin hides on a ship as part of the crew. Then his name is announced on Selection Day for the annual Scaera Dumeda, despite him never taking the entry test, declaring to the entire world—and the assassins hunting him for revenge—that he is alive.

Princess Adima Radi Kashinda dreams of more than someday ruling Antovan. She desires to make a true difference for her people. When her name is called on Selection Day, she throws away her title, despite the uncertain future ahead. This may be the opportunity she hoped for.

When some of the other selectees are murdered, Ravin and Adi are among the suspects. With the help of Ravin’s captain and crew, they sail away to hunt down the killer and clear their names. Can they catch the murderer when he always seems to be at least one step ahead?

Now, I had the privilege of reading the first four chapters of this book, and let me tell you, it is a fun ride.

My favourite? Ravin trying to do stuff and getting blocked by the rest of his crewmates shrieking "aSSASSIN, NEVER TRUST AN ASSASSIN". And he's just. So tired. (I want at least ten hours with this crew, please and thank you. Especially Captain Jay Hill and his epicness.)

forging the Fellowship | how could I NOT do this tag

Julia at Lit Aflame created a new tag (*cough* in 2018) and it's LotR themed. So. Even though she tagged me approximately 365 years ago, I'm still going to do it, and with thanks. :D

So for this tag, I "forge my own Fellowship" out of book characters. Which is cool! I get to pick my own party! (To try to cut down on the infinite possibilities [and also, once I drag these characters out of their storyworlds, awkward explanations] I'm going to limit myself to characters from books that are at least partly fantasy.

The Questions

1. [The Ring Bearer]: If you could choose, which of the four races would you be: Elf, Dwarf, Human, or Hobbit?

Hobbit. Their lives are sO SOFT AND DOMESTIC. Lovely rambling houses and green hills and good food. Parties and soft curly hair and bare feet and fireworks. Books and armchairs and fireplaces.

Yes, the occasional hobbit gets picked for the Death Trials (aka holding the One Ring), but that was, like, two in the the history of hobbits?? I'll be fine.

(*rereads question* ...wait, am I supposed to be the ring bearer? NOOO I wanted to be a regular hobbit!!)

Fine. If I had to be the ring bearer, I'd rather be an elf. (Even though canonically only hobbits can handle holding the One Ring.) Because elves can run fast and I can't imagine trying to cross Middle Earth on hobbit legs. Ugh.

2. [Gandalf the Grey]: A wise/powerful elder/mentor character:

why I'm quite happy staying at home (+ a few suggestions)

As a graduated homeschooler and introvert who is living with my family, in an remote-ish area with only a handful of COVID cases, I'm quite enjoying this period of staying at home. I'm doing stuff I like, and I have exactly the right amount of social interaction.

None.

Hang on, that's obviously not true. I'm spending time with my family, and I'm talking to people online, and I've even written a few letters.

Actual face-to-face talking time with non-family members: zero hours for, like, going on four weeks?? and I am fine with that.

(Should I be concerned about myself.)

But there's so much to do! So many ways to spend your time! Such fun to be had! So many people to not talk to! 

Julia from Lit Aflame posted a collab of 124 Things To Do When You're Exiled At Home. And Emily from The Ones That Really Matter put up a great post featuring such suggestions as Jedi training (this won't be affected by social distancing as hugs are probably against the Jedi code), exploring wardrobes, and becoming obsessively attached to a specific piece of jewellery. (I approve.) Read these! There's some great ideas!

I, on the other hand, have a list of ramblings for today's post. I'm sure any suggestions I might make have already been covered (a list of 124 things won't leave many untouched... at least, not many that are easy to think of.) but I'll see if I can add anything to what is, I'm sure, a popular topic.

• • • • • • •

T H I N G S  T O  D O

Reading

uh. obviously. (This gets its own section.)

My quarantine book list includes the following:
✓ The Copper Gauntlet, The Bronze Key, The Silver Mask (Magisterium #2-4), Holly Black and Cassandra Clare
✓ Leave It to Psmith, P.G. Wodehouse
✓ Muse of Nightmares (Strange the Dreamer #2), Laini Taylor
☐ Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen
☐ The Lost Plot (The Invisible Library #4), Genevieve Cogman

HELP || why did I buy more books

The answer to the question in the title is, of course, that I am Loki and I do what I want. (And if you don't think Loki collects books [perhaps not novels, though?], I don't know what to say to you.) But it's all very well for an Asgardian prince... I'm sure he has lots of shelf space.

Or, y'know, some kind of pocket dimension library.

Me? Not so much.

It isn't like I bought very many... this time. Six or seven, and only two of those were large books.

But you know that tumblr post on Pinterest about Quicksilver and Thor's hammer? no? ...hang on...

*literally two hours later* HERE IT IS

 

That's me. Except it's more like:

"oh, what a great idea, let's get more books" 

*teetering towers of books collapse and crush me* 

"I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE"

the Nameless Book Tag (second time around)

On the first day of this most excellent and productive year of 2018 (productive? hm. Any 'yes' votes for that? I'm going with 'no'...), Olivia at Important Nothings tagged me! And because I am an irresponsible human with way more procrastination than one person should be allowed to have, I'm doing it now! *counts on fingers* ... literally a quarter of a year later.  
HI SMALL UPDATE FOR MID-YEAR ME, IT'S NOW SEPTEMBER. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.  
Uh. Literally eight months later?


Sorry, Olivia! (I do appreciate being tagged, people [even if I take forever] - partly for the post idea, and mostly just knowing that someone thought of me ;)

I have done the Nameless Book Tag before (although it came to me under a slightly different name: The Mysteriously Nameless Tag of Doom). Since the questions are the same, I've decided to attempt a slightly different approach this time (with updated answers, obviously, because last time was allll the way back in November! and my blog was still a smol thing that didn't have a clue what it was doing!), and also this time may involve more gifs.

–{{What book has been on your shelf the longest?

Well this one's the same as last time: Anne of Green Gables. Haven't read it in forever, though.

Quick question, slightly unrelated: does anyone ever read that first page? You know, the one that's "only" two sentences long??

–{{What is your current read, your last read, and the book you’ll read next?

Tag In Which I Invite Several Characters I Shouldn't To Dinner

*creeps back into blogosphere*

*points accusingly at Life*

Let's just move on.

(Unless, of course, you didn't even notice I was gone for an extra week two weeks nearly a month. In which case, we need to Talk.)

Today we have a tag about books. And food. (I have been told food is popular. I'm not sure why.) (I mean, who wants to eat, right?? apart from me 65.31% of the time?)

But, to mix things up a bit, I'm going to focus on one book series. One I think deserves more attention. I mean, I can't seem to find the fandom?? which is ridiculous. Not even on Pinterest, apart from a few boards with amateur fanart.

(I shouldn't say that, or it'll turn out to be someone here's art, and then I will die of embarassment... The fanart is better than any I've done, okay?)

The Literary Dinner Party Tag

Featuring: Artemis Fowl (Eoin Colfer)

Weak excuses + The Writer's Book Tag

Over the last week, I disappeared off the face of the earth blogosphere.

This was not, good idea though it would have been, so I could focus on NaNo. No. It was... so I could... that is, I've been... doing...

I don't know.

I don't know why for a whole week I didn't have any time to comment on blogs, since I did not write a. single. word. on my NaNo draft either??

Here's what I know I did do:

• One morning: Spent an hour on remedial reading with a  at a local primary school
• One evening: Submitted last TAFE assessment for this year. 
• One morning: Swimming instructor for a bunch of homeschooling kids
• One weekend: Read 5 books (and a frankly embarrassing amount of fanfiction throughout the week)
• Over two days: Read a 300+ fancomic series. I have now caught up. I am displeased. 
• One evening: Watched The Battle of the Five Armies with my brother (the one I'm slowly converting to the fandom. Only he has an actual job and studies full-time, so he doesn't usually have time. He makes me feel so lazy :P)
• This morning: Got on the tractor and buried a feral pig Dad shot. 

And it doesn't feel like that's enough serious things happening to justify a word count that's gone up by zero??

...

I always knew I was a Master Procrastinator. 


Anyway, here's a book tag! Because I've been reading far more this month than anyone doing NaNo has a right to do. The Temperamental Writer (well, her ghost, at least ;) at All Things Trivial and Insignificant tagged me for the Writer's Book Tag, and I love the way it uses various elements of a writer's life as book categories.

The Mysteriously Nameless Tag of Doom

HEEEY ALL

- it's 10pm November 1st
- NaNo is here
- I am hiding from NaNo
- shhh
- I have succeeded in hiding from NaNo for *counts on fingers* 22 hours so far??
- it's working
- this is going to be my most productive month ever
- in everything except writing

Except I NEED to write at least 20k because I joined a dare/threat thing?? The NaNo Dare Squad (courtesy of Kenzie)! Each person gives their goal and privately submits a dare; anyone who doesn't end up achieving their goals will randomly get one of the other people's dares. The dares are secret until half-way through the month or something?? so you don't know what horrors potentially await.

BUT if everyone but Kenzie achieves their goals, she gets to do ALL the submitted dares herself, if I'm understanding this correctly?? so. I live in hope.

(She's a super good sport to suggest this xD)

...ANYWAY I HAD A POINT HERE. *rereads title*

. . . . . . . .

A little while back [my catchphrase...] [it was like 2 months now?? SORRY KATE] Kate Marie tagged me for something she called "The Mysteriously Nameless Tag of Doom". I have since realized why it is a 'tag of doom':

It asks very difficult questions about books. I know you all sympathize.

So. I might waffle. Avoid the point. Talk around the question. I'll try not to outright refuse to answer... but you never know what may be necessary.

--{ What book has been on your shelf the longest? }--

I'm not sure - maybe Anne of Green Gables, or The Chronicles of Narnia? (both gifts from grandparents when I was young). Or maybe one of my "children's classics" - that term meaning, basically, "book that once was good but has been revised and edited so it's shorter and simpler and [an unfortunate but inescapable side effect] much more boring". E.g. The Railway Children is a good book? but my children's classic edition is so boring as to be unbearable. They take out the beauty of the writing style!

--{ What is your current read, your last read, and the book you’ll read next? }--

Currently reading: nothing, because a) I don't have any unread books at the moment; and b) upcoming assessments and NaNo
Last read: Leave it to Psmith, P.G. Wodehouse. (Reread.)
Next read: I don't know - it depends on what I can get my hands on.

--{ What book did everyone like, but you hated? }--

Who's "everyone"? People I know? Bloggers? Goodreads users?

Goodreads and I probably have the most disagreements. For example, I seem to recall that the reviews for Flame in the Mist (Renee Ahdieh) were overwhelmingly positive. Personally, I had no idea what was going on, didn't like the MC, hated the love triangle, didn't appreciate the "romance", and overall hated the book.

(Apparently it's supposed to be a Mulan retelling?? which I didn't know and didn't see.)

--{ What book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t? }--

There are multiple classics I feel like I should read, but haven't and probably won't. Jane Eyre is one. Most of Dickens' work is also on the list - I've read Great Expectations and a kids' version of Oliver Twist, but that's all.

--{ What book are you saving for retirement? }--

Why would I save a good book for retirement?? I might never live that long! I might DIE and NEVER get to read it! Or I might go blind! Or not like that kind of book any more!

--{ Last page: read it first, or wait ’til the end? }--

Wait until the end.

Usually.

But if I don't like the way the book's going, if the quality of the content seems to be going downhill, or if the book's just boring, I'll check the end to see if I should continue.

And then continue anyway, because DNFing a book is not something I do except in extraordinary circumstances.

--{ Acknowledgement: waste of paper and ink, or interesting aside? }--

While I'm sure it's an amazing experience for those mentioned in the acknowledgements, I normally skip that page.

But then there's these kinds of acknowledgements:

I believe these are from the Percy Jackson series? but I've only read the first book so I can't confirm.

--{ Which book character would you switch places with? }--

Which character would I be able to fill in for without dying or causing the end of the world??

I'd love to be Will from The Ruins of Gorlan (Ranger's Apprentice #1). Buuut [as I have previously mentioned] I would die. Of pain. Because I am not fit at all, and Halt is a super-tough mentor. (But I'd love to be able to shoot and ride and throw knives and Trust the cloak and everything.)

Also, I would fail in Will's responsibilities, plot-wise, and then the Kalkara would kill Halt and me and everyone. And there would be no more books. The end.

--{ Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life? (Place, time, person?) }--

I have two books which were birthday gifts from two friends, and whenever I look at them I remember that these people knew me well enough to give me a book :')

(Or, okay, it was obvious that I would appreciate a book. BUT THEY GAVE ME A BOOK which is all that matters and I am very grateful.)

--{ Name a book that you acquired in an interesting way. }--

I...

Most of my books were either gifted to me (for birthdays/Christmas) or I bought them myself at a thrift shop? I can't think of any particularly interesting acquisition stories. Sadly. (Those stories would certainly spice up my book collection.)

--{ Have you ever given a book away for a special reason to a special person? }--

No.

I am a book dragon. I hoard books. I do not get rid of them. (Unless they're below standard.)

(Fine. I sometimes give people books. Because that's the best gift I can give. But they're typically new and not from my book hoard, just saying.)

--{ Which book has been with you most places? }--

Technically my little Gideons' Bible - you know the tiny ones with the NT + Psalms + Proverbs? It's in my handbag. Other than that, I'd take whichever book I was reading at the time with me for a trip in the car and I would get terribly carsick. Not that it stopped me.

(Me @ my bad life choices)

--{ Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad later? }--

 I was not impressed when I was told we'd be doing Pride and Prejudice for English in Grade 12.

Buuut I loved it. When I got over my "it's a classic it mUST BE BORING" prejudices. And I watched both movies. And moved on to reading Emma and Sense and Sensibility (my least favourite) and Persuasion. Haven't read her other [more Gothic] novels, though.

--{ Used or brand new? }--

Used. Thrift shops are the best. I can buy the entire first 10 of the 39 Clues series (okay, #9 wasn't there, but Cahills vs. Vespers #1 was) for $2 each. They're basically in brand new condition?? what fool threw them out??

Books are super expensive when they're brand new, so I don't buy them unless it's for a special reason.

--{ Have you ever read a Dan Brown book? }--

No?

--{ Have you ever seen a movie you liked more than the book? }--

Love Comes Softly.

--{ Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks included? }--

Not that I'm aware of. (Who reads cookbooks anyway?) (scratch that, as kids my siblings and I would go through all the Sweet Treats-style cookbooks and pick out all the things we'd like. Probably that made us hungry. Or at least grumpy.)

--{ Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take? }--

...

Not sure. My mum used to pre-read our books, and she has some pretty good advice, but our tastes have started diverging. (She seems to tend towards heavier reading, e.g. children in the Holocaust.)

As for anyone else... "always" is a bit inflexible? there are people whose tastes are similar to mine, but that doesn't mean we're going to agree all the time on what books are good.

--{ Is there a book out of your comfort zone (e.g., outside your usual reading genre) that you ended up loving? }--

The Lost Girl of Astor Street is historical fiction - in the jazz era. I don't believe I've read any other book set then, and I'm not usually big on historical itself. But I picked up Lost Girl because I "knew" Stephanie Morrill from Go Teen Writers. And I am so glad I did, because it was amazing.

. . . . . . . .

So that's the Mysteriously Nameless Tag of Doom done. Thanks for tagging me, Kate, and I now tag:

Lila @ Cheapskate Bibliomaniac
Evangeline @ I Just Happened
Jazzy @ thriving hope

Only if you want to, of course!

I didn't receive any rules with the tag? which suits me anyway :) #IdowhatIwant #youcantoo!


Have you read any of these? Are any on your TBR?  Where do you buy your books? Which movie was better than its book? Are you a book hoarder, or a giver? What character would you swap places with? Jane Austen - yea or nay? Am I missing out by not reading Dickens?

Do you have any random ramblings about books? (I am here for all the book ramblings <3)

summer fun tag PLUS sunshine blogger tag (the second)

I've been tagged a few times recently not so recently actually because I'm terrible like that, so I'm going to combine two because I'm not sure how much you actually want to read about me??: the Summer Fun Tag, and the Sunshine Blogger Tag [#2]!

Side note: I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG, KIND PEOPLE WHO TAGGED ME. You've probably forgotten you ever did such a thing.  

And I know most of you are in autumn and heading for winter, now, but here it's HOT. And it's the first month of spring. So. Summer and sunshine it is!

- The Summer Fun Tag -

This tag was created by Mykaela, and I was tagged by Gray at Writing Is Life (thanks, Gray!)

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

Despite being Australian, and knowing several people with very Aussie nicknames, I actually just have a shortened version of my name? and everyone calls me that. I'm actually a bit disappointed that I never got a creative nickname. (Then again, considering the likelihood of it not being flattering, maybe I'm not sorry.)

[Pennites, consider this an invitation xD]

2. What's a weird habit of yours?

Nooo... don't have any weird habits. I'm not weird.

*coughs*

*asks family*

Brother 1: Well, he can't think of any.

Sister 1: Being negative is not a weird habit, Sister 1. It's just... a habit.

Brother 2: Wiggling my ears and "the weird eyeball thing". [I cross my eyes, look left, cross my eyes, look right, repeat. Makes it look like my eyes can point different directions.]

Sister 2: Talking to myself and pulling faces?? That's normal...

Dad: BEING ANNOYING IS NOT A WEIRD HABIT, DAD. THAT'S JUST ME.

Mum: Being negative??? And facetious??? What is this??? Where is familial loyalty when you need it???

3. Do you have any strange phobias?

Not really? I don't particularly like spiders or other creepy-crawlies when they're moving fast and erratically, but that's hardly a phobia. I'm not fond of heights either, but I manage. Nothing I've come across in my [admittedly short] life so far has caused me to completely freeze up out of fear and freak out.

4. What's a song you secretly love to blast and belt out when you're alone?

I am rarely home alone. Or in the car alone. Or alone at all, really. My family tends to travel as a pack. But the last time I was home alone, I blasted as many Owl City songs as I had. (And made myself a mug cake.)

I also love to belt out Stand by Me - it's just a really good song for belting??

5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

PUNCTUATION MISTAKES ON SIGNS. Like how do people get paid to produce a professional product that is full of mistakes like that?!? How do you even get "your'e"?? (as one, horrific example I saW a rEAL PICTURE OF.)

Also people who are reading the next book in a series when I want it. Or people who are reading my favourite books and don't appreciate them.

6. What's one of your nervous habits?

Of Cookies and Books

And today we have... *drum roll*... a tag!

Actually, no. Today we have BOOKS. So stop groaning.

okay it's a book tag

Thanks to Julian at Saver of Memories for giving me this opportunity to rave about books! :)

Of Cookies and Books

...Hang on.

A quick word before we get to the books:

I have never eaten a cookie in my life.

OY - there's no need for rotten fruit!!

I'm an Aussie. We call them biscuits. (I believe in the USA 'biscuits' are what you call scones??) And for the same cultural reason I may be changing some of the biscuits. Because what even is a Dutch Snowball??

Yes. I could Google it. But I'm making a point here.

Chocolate Chip || a book that never gets old

Ella Enchanted (Gail Carson Levine) and Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen).

I love the writing style, so - even though I've read them often enough that I know the endings (which are unlikely to have changed since last time) - I still enjoy rereading them. I always come across snippets of humour of dialogue that are worth it, too.

Dutch Snowballs Cornflake and Sultana Biscuits || a book that gave you an unexpected surprise

I don't know what Dutch Snowballs are, so I'm changing this one to Cornflake/Sultana Biscuits. Because you think they're choc-chip and then they're not and you get a mouthful of deceit and betrayal. And biscuits with cornflakes are always stale. I suppose this would be, specifically, an unpleasant surprise. Never mind.

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Agatha Christie) certainly surprised me. That twist. I didn't actually realise that was even possible.

Also the ending of All Fall Down (Ally Carter). I didn't see that coming either. (Not the very end, which seemed a little ordinary considering what she'd been through, but the bit just before the end. That bit. If you've read it you know what I'm on about.)

It's really hard to talk about books with surprises without spoiling the surprises. Or else sounding really weird.Or both, which is my usual preference.

[I feel I must add here that, by definition, all surprises are unexpected??]

Molasses Jamdrops || a book with a character that gets in a sticky situation

(Jamdrops were the only biscuits I can think of that could be sticky. Not perfect, but here in Australia, we feed molasses to the cows, not put it in biscuits. [Syrup is used in cooking.])

The False Prince (Jennifer Neilsen) and the rest of the Ascendance Trilogy. Sage gets into more sticky situations than you'd think possible, as you'll know if you've read the books. If you haven't, wHY ARE YOU HERE. DEPART THIS INSTANT FOR YOUR LIBRARY.

(After leaving a comment, obviously.)

Oreo || a book dealing with the light and the darkness

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis) deals thematically with light and darkness, and with great success, I feel.

Jill Williamson's book By Darkness Hid also has to be mentioned... it definitely deals with light and darkness. ;P

Sugar Hundreds and Thousands Biscuits || a book with a sugary sweet villain

This is an Arnotts Hundreds and Thousands biscuit.
Image from Google.

Apparently I read all the wrong books, because no villains fitting that description come instantly to mind. Probably the closest would be Opal Koboi from the Artemis Fowl series (Eoin Colfer). She's not exactly "sugary sweet"... she's a psychotic pixie... but she has great one-liners/insults/comebacks.

Monster Shortbread || a book that confused your emotions

Shortbread confuses me because I'm supposed to like it (everyone else does, apparently) and I don't??

And when I first read "monster cookie", this was the only thing coming to mind -

(I have since checked Google. Your Monster biscuits. I like them. ANOTHER.)
(But why would they confuse your emotions??)

As for books: I recently read Go Set a Watchman and that confused my emotions, let me tell you. It twisted my feelings up and then sat on them. Without having the decency to untangle them afterwards. I have no idea what the ending was. (Confession: I'm waiting for my mother to read it so she can explain.)

Snickerdoodle || a book that made you laugh

Originally I thought 'snickerdoodle' would be one of the first biscuits to go. I mean, I'd never even heard of the thing! Buuut, I can't think of any other biscuits that make me laugh, and snickerdoodles do. Just by their name. So, snickerdoodle, you get to stay.

How to Train Your Dragon, Cressida Cowell; any of Odo Hirsch's books for kids (try Hazel Green or the Will Buster trilogy); the HIVE series by Mark Walden (warning: comes with character deaths).

Also The Red Book (Beck and Matt Stanton).

Probably best if you don't read this picture-book to young children, though.

Peanut Butter || a book with a nutty character

(I have had biscuits with peanuts [didn't like them much], but never a biscuit with peanut butter.)

The Artemis Fowl series (Eoin Colfer) - Opal Koboi is nutty, as is Mulch. Foaly's not entirely stable either (he's a centaur wearing a tin-foil hat, so...)

The Fixer (Jennifer Lynn Barnes) - Asher's a pretty odd character.

Anzac || a book set in Australia

Can you believe, I actually had to make this one up myself??

Operation Foxtrot Five. Independently published by Christian author from Western Australia, D.J. Stutley. Go read the series now. NOW. While it's unlikely you'll find them in your local library, you can buy ebooks directly for ONE. AUSTRALIAN. DOLLAR. Seriously, that's like 80c in America??

(I am not being paid to say this, by the way ;)

Another Australian author is Jackie French; she writes historical and Australian fiction. Her historical books for kids can be great. I recommend Tom Appleby Convict Boy, Soldier on the Hill, Diary of a Wombat (picture book, very funny) and The Shaggy Gully Times (picture book/'newspaper', full of editor's notes in ink, very funny).


And I tried - but couldn't manage - to fit in Tim Tams, because they're awesome. "Two layers of chocolate malted biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling, and coated in a thin layer of textured chocolate." Do you have Tim Tams in the USA? (just checking)


Now you've read my ravings, here are the [original] questions: 

Chocolate chip - a book that never grows old

Dutch snowballs - a book that gave you an unexpected surprise

Molasses - a book with a character that gets into a sticky situation

Oreo - a book that deals with light and darkness

Sugar - a book with a sugary sweet villain

Monster - a book that confused your emotions

Snickerdoodle - a book that made you laugh

Peanut butter - a book with a nutty character

And I tag anyone who wants to do this. Normally I don't take the easy way out - I try to make it personal and tag even just one or two people - but honestly I've been working on this tag longer than it deserves?? and I don't know who's already done it. So. I would love to see anyone take this tag!

And. Since we're talking about books, I am also on Goodreads, and I ALWAYS want book recommendations. I also love knowing when other people I know adore my favourite books. (That sentence didn't make as much sense as it could have. Just go with it.) So feel free to connect with me on Goodreads! I'm very friendly! Truly! What, have you been talking to my sisters??

Have you read any of these books? Want to fangirl with me? Are you confused as to why Artemis Fowl doesn't have a bigger fandom?? (I tried to google images for the quotes? and there were none??) Have you ever read D.J. Stutley's books?? (we will be friends forever and I may suffocate you with my excitement) Am I missing out on great "cookies"? What biscuits would you recommend? Tell me all in the comments!

#VoicesofYA tag

Jane at Maiden of the Misty Mountains has tagged me for the #VoicesofYA tag! Which is awesome, because I'd been watching it go around the blogosphere and sort of hoping someone would pick me. Thanks, Jane! ;)

What draws you to YA?
The fact that the characters are the same age as me? Roughly? Also, I feel like YA has more emotion or is more raw or interesting or something.

Describe your writing process. Do you like outlines and structure, or seeing where the story takes you?
In life, I love structure and knowing what to expect.

In writing, I once wrote a 20-page outline (okay, they were A5 sheets, but I was like thirteen) that had dissolved into a semi-first-draft, complete with dialogue, by the end. Annnd... that was as much work as the story got. Writing that had completely drained my need to write the story. (Which, considering the quality of the 'plot' and the unoriginal [read "copy-cat"] characters, was a good thing.)

Still, I WANT to plot, but I haven't found any methods that work?? Pantsing really grates on my structure-loving self and I panic whenever I try to think ahead?? Please help?!

How long have you been writing? Where are you in your journey?
I was thirteen when I started my first 'novel'. (I intended to to finish it, really I did... Instead it's the first in my folder of WIPs to finish when I figure out how to make them less flat and cliche.) (shh, don't tell them I said that; my children believe me when I tell them I love them all equally) So that was... over half a decade ago.

Now, I hope my stories are a bit better, but I'd still say I'm just starting my writing journey. I've started taking writing more seriously (I'm even trying to finish a first draft!...) but I'm still nowhere near publication or letting anyone else read my [partial] drafts. Just... no. For your own sake.

What do you need to write? Coffee? Music?
I don't drink coffee, I'm still trying to train myself to write while listening to music, and I don't snack while writing. (Writer Police: hi we're here to take away your license)

There are certain things that I need to write, though. I need to be in my room, at my desk, and no one else can be in the room. I'm just really fussy, I guess?? which isn't good if I'm away from home and need to work on my projects.

Good thing I don't leave my room much, right??

If you could offer one piece of advice to another writer, (OTHER THAN "don't give up"), what would it be?
Um... Well, something I wish I heard more is that my first draft will be junk and that's okay. I get really stressed about it. But everyone starts with a first draft, and no published author will let you read it. So my advice would be to not worry about the quality of your first draft; just finish it, and then you can shape and polish it.

What book still has you reeling from its plot twist?
Umm. I can hardly remember ANY significant plot twists. I don't know if that's because I read boring books, I just have a terrible memory, or I'm so smart nothing surprises me (obviously this is the reason).

However I probably should mention Jennifer Lynn Barnes' The Fixer - I did not see that twist about her parents.

What books are you most anticipating for this year?
I kind of... don't have a clue what's coming out this year?? I have no system for finding new books. (Except following blogs that talk about TBRs crushing them.) The Lost Kingdom of Bamarre came out this year, though, and I was waiting for that one!

In your opinion, which YA book/series has the most unique premise?

Help. I have no idea. (it's late + I'm unwell [of course I'm unwell it's week 2 of Camp hahaha]) Plus I'm always afraid of questions that say "MOST" or "FAVOURITE" or any other absolute sort of word. Because I know that once I answer the question I'll think of five other things that are better. (That's assuming I managed to answer the question at all and don't just freeze up. In this case, I just froze up. Whoops. I'll probably remember some books in time for answering comments.)

What is your all-time favourite quote from YA?
I read too fast to collect quotes. Actually, I'm sure I read some good ones - in The Fixer? The Lost Girl of Astor Street? The Wrath and the Dawn? SOMETHING I read recently, anyway. But I have no idea what it was.

Maybe I should read slower?

What book do you most hope will have a movie adaptation?
My first instinct is to say The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen. But when I think about it, that would probably be quite violent?? (THIS IS IN NO WAY AN EXCUSE FOR YOU TO NOT READ THE BOOK. It's not graphic, I promise. [Although the third book in the trilogy... I honestly have no idea how he manages to keep going.])

So instead I'd like the Ranger's Apprentice series. But not as a movie, unless they commit to doing one for each book. [None of that rot like "here's one movie of books 1-4 in a random order :) and Halt looks notHING LIKE IN THE BOOKS :) enjoy it :) :) :)"] Maybe a TV series would be a better option??



And I'm tagging two of my Camp cabin-mates, who started their own blogs less than a month ago! They've been part of a young writers' community, The Order of the Pen, for a long time (they were the ones who created it, too), so they should have some great writing advice coming up on their blogs! And other stuff, of course (no pressure, guys xD) I'm looking forward to seeing them answer these questions!

Sarah at Pen of a Ready Writer
Julian at Saver of Memories

You should definitely go check out their blogs. They're just starting, but they're going to be awesome :) *flaps hands at you*

Want to talk about books? writing techniques? random things? Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Blog tour for teen author Emily Mundell's debut novel!!

I'm super-excited, because today, I'm participating in a blog tour for a teen writer's new book!

Emily Mundell has written a fantasy novel called The Sorceress and the Squid. Now today is the third day of the blog tour, so you've maybe seen all the cover and synopsis and stuff already? Yes? No? ...just in case you haven't, I shall put it all right here!

That's right, I have ALL THE THINGS, here for your convenience!!

Synopsis! And cover!
In the magical land of Perth, divisions between the Old Kingdom and the New have waged for centuries. The humans have long harbored a mistrust of the spell-casting Fae, and vice versa. In the midst of this conflict, Estrella the Sorceress lays waste to the Training Academy for Human Warriors, making an enemy in the soldier, Jalen. During their standoff, Jalen is turned into a squid and Estrella, unable to restore him to his original form, takes pity on him and travels west across the Sea to bring him to the Wizard in hope he can be saved. But is there more to the unrest in Perth than meets the eye?



Author bio! With picture!
Emily Mundell is a 19 year old author, artist, horsewoman and lover of the wonders of the wide world. She hails from the Great White North of Canada and has spent her life growing up in the heart of rural Alberta in a close-knit farming community - though she has often entertained fantasies of inhabiting the Shire.

Writing is her true passion – though horses and art take a close second. With fantasy as her primary genre, Emily has been writing stories since the tender age of eight when she finished her first “book.” She is currently working to complete her Creative Writing Certificate through the University of Calgary. An avid bookworm, true country-mouse, and unconventional tree-climber, Emily can usually be found on a horse, working on one of her half-dozen projects, chasing a loose cow, or being swept off her feet by the man she calls her own personal “hobbit.”


Emily's social media links!

Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads

Links where you can buy the book and/or read reviews!

Amazon | CreateSpace eStore |Goodreads

(these ones are really important! click them! click them!!)

I also have two special things you'll only get on this blog!!

#1: My review
(Okay, so it's also on Goodreads...)

[I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review. Because seriously - even though I haven't written a review since I was last forced to in high school - maybe I should do more? because free books. *can't believe I didn't know this was a thing*]

The book: You know how e-books - particularly indie published e-books - are filled with formatting errors often enough that you now cringe at the thought of reading one? No? It's just me? (Fine.) But this book, THIS BOOK DID NOT. Words were not split across lines. There were no glaring typos. Formatting was consistent. Perhaps those are rather petty things to judge a book by, but you don't know what it means for my opinion of a book. I began The Sorceress and the Squid expecting the usual e-book problems, and it didn't have them.

The characters: Estrella, a sorceress, and Jalen, the warrior she turns into a squid, alternate POV. I'm not going to try to describe them for you; I'm going to give you quotes.

Estrella:
"It was a lovely morning for war-mongering." (First line. I mean, this is obviously a fascinating narrator voice.)
Second page: "Her attempt to stick her nose beyond the pages of her books was going very poorly."
I identify so much with the second quote... and it's even better because it comes so soon after the first one.

Jalen:
"Jalen grimaced - if a squid could grimace -"
"He tried to shrug, but realized quickly that was beyond his squid abilities."
"He made a low whistling noise, or tried to. It ended up being sort of a bubbly sound. Apparently squids couldn’t whistle."
I just love the whole frustrated-warrior-is-now-a-talking-squid thing. xD

The plot: I expected the plot would be simply a quest to find the Wizard, and I was concerned that the strain of holding that up for an entire novel would bring out the quest cliches. I was wrong, for two reasons:
1. Estrella complained enough about carrying the jar (fairly, I think, as it would have been terribly awkward) that the quest-journey flew past. Characters bickering and being snarky = yasss.
2. The journey ended; they got to the Wizard's island; and I thought, oh well, it's been a nice read - not terribly complex, but nice.  And then- >>betrayal!<< (I can't give any more details because spoilers.) And I realised I was only half-way through. In the second half there's battles and new friends and tragedy and hope and magical duels and awesome stuff. (That's so vague. How do people even write good reviews without putting spoilers through the whole thing??)

The ending felt both a bit rushed, and satisfyingly true:

 - I thought some some details could have been emphasised more - I took a while to figure out that >>Estrella was going to train Jalen<<, for example. And I thought it could have been more clearly stated that >>Jalen could do magic now too<<, although I suppose the circumstances made it obvious. Emotionally, I felt like Estrella and Jalen weren't quite ready to finish? She was still struggling, and he'd had a whole new element added to his character.

 - Honestly, though, I think the ending for Estrella would have felt faked if that (spoilers!) had been somehow fixed? And it's so sweet that he's sticking around and helping her. (That last scene in the rain... adorable! *mushy heart eyes*)

The setting: I WANT ESTRELLA'S HOUSE, OKAY? It's on the top of a mountain, on the other side of a slightly magic forest, and it's a one-room building with lots of clutter and cupboards and a wall and a half of bookshelves. I could see it... and I'm terrible at picturing setting. Other settings include a boat and a semi-magic island - which were cool - and a battlefield, which I got a little confused over. But I typically get confused about setting, so...

Content: Magic and some battle scenes (nothing too graphic).

Adored: Estrella, Jalen, Estrella + Jalen, Estrella's house, her grumbling about carrying Jalen in the jar, Jalen being alternately "yep I'm a talking squid!!" and "nope squids don't talk haha that's ridiculous why would I talk??", the brief appearance of a magic carpet, the hopeless goblin gang, and the Gollum-like creature. Also the ending was sweet/bittersweet.

Complaints: There was a bit about handholding that I thought could have been drawn out into more of a plot point. ...Okay, maybe I mostly wanted them to hold hands a bit more... but it still could have been a great plot point! I was picturing them >>standing on a hill holding hands and fighting the battle with their free hands<< , and I was a bit disappointed that never happened... ;)

Mostly, though, this book was at times sweet, snarky, heart-wrenching, and funny. (I mean, when they were waylaid by goblins, Estrella zapped their bottoms.) Four out of five squids spellbooks.

#2: A character interview with sorceress Estrella! 
(I took quite a risk with this... she mentioned some quite gruesome things she's done to humans...)

JEM: Today I have a special guest: Estrella the sorceress! And before I go any further, I should probably mention – Estrella, I look human, but that’s because my other form struggles with typing. So... we’re good? I’ve heard you’re not too fond of humans... 

ESTRELLA: Recently I've become a little more open-minded, though I am only particularly fond of one human. I will take your word for it, though I'd be interested in seeing your other form when this questioning is all said and done.
I too look like a human, despite my magical abilities. I can forgive this in you as well.

JEM: Now, you live in the kingdom of Perth, on a mountain. In a cluttered little house with a wall and a half of bookshelves. If that’s not awesome I don’t know what is. Do you leave your home much? 

ESTRELLA: I didn't used to hardly ever – except to pay the Wizard a visit of course. I had few friends and still do. Honestly, who needs them when you have books? I get out a little more these days, which is a bit ironic but that's another matter...

JEM: Books are better than the real world, I agree! How long have you lived here? 

ESTRELLA: I'm glad we see eye-to-eye. I have lived on this mountain 102 years, before that I trained with the Wizard on his island.

JEM: Do you see other people – Fae, I should say – often? 

ESTRELLA: Occasionally, when they need me. I'm known as a bit of a healer around these parts and the Fae often come to me for spells or potions.

JEM: Who are your closest friends? 

ESTRELLA: Certainly I have been friends with the sailors, Aryn, Jonnan and Dariela the longest. After them, Mila the tree-spirit and Kyra the wood-nymph. I believe that our shared experience brings Jalen and I closer than anyone though.

JEM: That's to be expected. *grins* I'm sure Jalen, for one, will never forget that experience. How do you spend your time? 

ESTRELLA: He'd better not forget! I went through a lot of trouble for him. I spend a lot of time reading, naturally. There are many days up in the mountains where nothing exciting really happens. I also practice my magic – to a level of perfectionism, perhaps. When I am good at something I tend to do it extensively, especially magic as it has always been the most stable and secure part of my life, a bit ironic I know. Nowadays I spend more time with people than I would normally have liked, but I am learning to enjoy that too.

JEM: You say you spend a lot of time reading – have you read all these books? What are they about? 

ESTRELLA: All my books? Heavens no. I am a collector and do so obsessively, but I do not always have time to read what I have found. I have read perhaps ¾ of my collection. Many of my books are books of spells which require, slow, careful and deliberate study as you read. I confess I have not gone through them all yet. Someday I will manage this.

JEM: Of course, spellbooks would need careful study – you wouldn't want to misread a spell.*coughs* But I'm sure you'll get through them someday – perhaps with your pupil! What spell do you use the most? 

ESTRELLA: Yes, bad things can happen when you misread or misquote a spell. Telekinetics is the most practical use for spells. There are plenty of times when I am in the thick of something and do not want to or cannot make the effort to grab a necessary item. It is especially great in battle. Telekinesis takes only the energy that you would use to lift the item physically, so if it is a regular item, perhaps the size of a book, then it is not hard at all. If I wanted to lift a boulder I could, but that would use an excessive amount of energy.

JEM: I have to ask... have you ever made yourself a cup of tea telekinetically so you didn't have to stop reading? 

ESTRELLA: Of course! I have done this several times. Unfortunately the mental energy it takes to make the tea ends up distracting me from my reading anyway, but at least I can stay seated and cozy in my chair.

JEM: It sounds like telekinesis is a regularly useful spell! What spell do you wish you had more excuses to use? 

ESTRELLA: *chuckles* Oh, there are so many of these. Some simply because they inspire amazement and require such skill. Some because they are fun. I did enjoy shooting electric currents at goblin bottoms on our quest. That was thoroughly satisfying. Also, telepathy. It is a strange phenomenon to be inside someone else's head and I do not always like it, but it is also very interesting and there are many times I wish I could understand them better. I do not use this spell on principle, I do not believe it right to poke around in the minds of others.

JEM: That's good of you. I never even thought to be concerned about what you might be doing to me right now... What’s the worst thing – or spell – you could do to someone? 

ESTRELLA: Hmm, this is a difficult question. There are many I think that would be awful. I can inflict a curse of extreme itchiness that does not abate for even a moment, driving the victim mad with it. Using telekinesis I can do many horrible things like peeling flesh from bone...I have done terrible things with fire...things I would rather not discuss.

JEM: ...oookay. Sorry I asked. *moves a little further away* Where do you see yourself in five years? 

ESTRELLA: I do not see much change in my life, especially in the sum of five years, what a short time! Of course for a human that is a good many years and a lot can change. Once you have lived a century or more, five years becomes a short span. I suppose in five years I may have mastered new magic techniques and that will be a development. I may have trained my pupil quite a bit better as well.

JEM: And a fun question to finish! If you, hypothetically, got mad enough to turn someone into an animal, hypothetically, what animal would you pick? 

ESTRELLA: Seeing as I have already experimented with a squid (which is a thoroughly inconvenient animal to spellcast a person into, let me just say), I think I would go with something that can walk on its own legs. Perhaps a dog, I do like dogs. Or, better yet, a horse or something that could carry me instead of me carrying it! Yes, I think that would work well.

JEM: Something you don't have to carry does sound like a good plan. I see you're all sorted out for next time someone annoys you! 

ESTRELLA: Hopefully I won't have to go through that same situation ever again, but yes, I will try to do it more conveniently next time.

JEM: Thanks for the interview, Estrella! Best wishes for your pupil's training... and for your efforts to enjoy spending time with people. (Reading would be easier, but persevere!)

Now if you're following the blog tour, here's the schedule for the week:

(I am so helpful :D)

Have you read The Sorceress and the Squid? What did you think about my interview with Estrella? Want to talk about the book? Comment!

Estrella wanted to know what I look like in my non-human form.
Don't judge. We can't all secretly be dragons.

#RebelliousWriting: *scrubs YA MC's mouth out with soap*

Gray over at Writing is Life has started a thing, guys. And if you haven't heard about it yet, I'm proud to present to you: The #RebelliousWriting movement

YA is full of rubbish we really don't want to read about.

Media presents immoral behaviour to teens as normal; teens think it must be normal; media says "see? that's realistic! it's how they are! they need more!!". It's a vicious cycle.  

As YA readers, we need better. As teen writers, we can do better. Let's push back.


Today I'm writing about swearing in novels - why it's unnecessary, or if not, how to get around it. (Side note: does anyone know how YA compares to adult fiction for rates/intensity of swearing?? because YA is. so. bad.)

To start with, a dictionary definition:

Swear (v): use obscene or blasphemous language; use a profane or indecent word in anger etc.

I've grown up surrounded by people who don't swear, but as far as I can tell, these are the reasons for swearing (feel free to correct me):
1. To blaspheme God, address some obscenity to Him, or similar.
2. To abuse someone by calling them obscene words.
3. To shock listeners by the vulgarity.
4. To be 'cool'.
5. As an intensifier.
6. Because they simply don't realise they're saying it anymore [and mean next-to-nothing by it].

Now let's look at novels - specifically the characters, the readers, and the author.


Good guys first. Are any of those six actual good reasons for your good-guy characters to swear? (In my opinion, no.)

Why does your (supposedly good!) character need to say that word?

A reason we're often given is that they're in great pain/danger/stress, and it's realistic for them to swear.

I don't agree.


Let me tell you about my dad. He's a hardworking and loving Christian. At various times, he has: cut the tip off a finger (more than once), been kicked by a bad-tempered cow, blasted air into a cut with a compressor (his whole arm swelled up and it felt/sounded like bubble wrap when we poked it), burnt himself in various ways, watched a nurse dig around in his wrist with tweezers for a shard of metal ("Here it i- nope, that's a tendon"), and set his jeans on fire while welding (no joke).

At no time have I ever heard him swear.

So when people say people tell me their characters need to swear to be realistic? I just wonder why they can't write good characters. Sure, people struggle. That's how we are, and your characters should struggle too (with different things, depending on their strengths and weaknesses). But have them trying to do the right thing, please?? Maybe have them biting their lip to keep bad words coming out?

If a character swears because he's broken his leg, isn't he actually abusing God for letting that happen?? Or else he's simply using that word as an intensifier, which seems to me unnecessarily profane, and quite dangerous morally.

Children and teens will (sadly) encounter bad language. They may be tempted to copy it. This is realistic to portray in fiction, especially if your character is a young person whose 'friends' are leading her astray into rebellion. As long as you show this is wrong, I think it could be appropriate to do something like this:

Filled with heat, Jess spat out a phrase she'd heard Mack use - often, and to great effect.
Her mother's face cracked.
"No- I didn't mean-" Jess sucked in a breath, the cold shame and horror which flowed off her mother filling her gut.

This isn't swearing "to make the character realistic"; this is part of a larger theme, rebellion against parents. (Which is also ungodly and we see far too much of it, okay? Dunno about you, but I couldn't bear to break my loving parents hearts. We can be teenagers without being rebellious; our characters can too. Possible future #RebelliousWriting post.) You'll also notice I did not actually swear in my example; I'll talk about that after going over your other characters:


Bad guys. Yes. Realistically, the villains - or the bad kids at school - will swear. We don't swear because we're Christians, children of God, but obviously people without those beliefs won't be inhibited by the moral code that comes with them.

I understand if you feel your bad guys would swear. But.

Consider your readers.  Are they 'bad guys'? Possibly. Probably not. Probably they're just struggling with the world's lies, like all of us. Help them out here.  Don't reinforce the world's lies of what's acceptable and normal! Your readers don't need you to feed them bad language.

Where your villains insist it's necessary/in character for them to swear, try saying exactly that: "[X] swore." That's simple, helps us to know that's a bad guy, and doesn't extend the wrong vocabulary. Plus, it's a nice short sentence that will add variation to your sentence structure! ;)

You can use other phrases. "Said a bad word". "Said something my mother'd take a bar of soap to my mouth for". "Abused his gods" (for fantasy). "Cursed him and his family line and the day he was born". Anything like that.

"Mr Villain swore hard enough to strip paint, and Charrie flinched."

Also, consider your own soul. Your writing affects you as much as it affects any reader -- maybe more, because you study it, labour over it, spend your life on it. (Audrey Caylin wrote a post which discussed that a bit: {STORIES ARE POWERFUL}.) If you put bad language in your novel, you're hurting yourself as well as your readers.


And if an author is relying on swear words to make their characters/story "interesting"? That's completely lazy writing.

Just letting you know: as a reader, I have no problem with 'regular' characters not swearing, and writers leaving the villains' swear words out. Say "He swore", and I won't complain it's unrealistic, and I will be able to tell that's a bad guy, and that will be one tick for you on my checklist for whether I'll recommend your book!


Did this post make sense? What do you think about swearing and all that stuff in YA? Readers + writers - I'd love to hear your opinion! And are you getting involved with the #RebelliousWriting movement? (hint: you should!)