Monday, 19 February 2018

Tag In Which I Invite Several Characters I Shouldn't To Dinner

*creeps back into blogosphere*

*points accusingly at Life*

Let's just move on.

(Unless, of course, you didn't even notice I was gone for an extra week two weeks nearly a month. In which case, we need to Talk.)

Today we have a tag about books. And food. (I have been told food is popular. I'm not sure why.) (I mean, who wants to eat, right?? apart from me 65.31% of the time?)

But, to mix things up a bit, I'm going to focus on one book series. One I think deserves more attention. I mean, I can't seem to find the fandom?? which is ridiculous. Not even on Pinterest, apart from a few boards with amateur fanart.

(I shouldn't say that, or it'll turn out to be someone here's art, and then I will die of embarassment... The fanart is better than any I've done, okay?)

The Literary Dinner Party Tag

Featuring: Artemis Fowl (Eoin Colfer)

I was tagged for this by Lila Kims, who at the time was blogging at The Cheapskate Bibliomaniac, but she's now at... *scratches desperately through brain* *this is why I don't leave my laptop ugh* The Redhooded Writer! Thanks, Lila... although I can't seem to access your original post since your old blog's no longer up, so I don't have the rules. Not that I ever follow them anyway. :P

One Character Who Can/Likes To Cook:

Butler can cook. In fact, if I remember correctly, chef training was part of his bodyguard/Butler training? Which is good because Artemis would, frankly, be helpless in the kitchen.

(Mulch Diggums likes food, but I'm not letting him in my kitchen)

One Character Who Has Money To Fund the Party:

Artemis Fowl the Second. I'd save him for a question that fit him better, but all the other rich people are bad guys and I don't want them. (They're not the kind of bad guys you'd invite.)

(The above two are not actual quotes, much as they may sound like it...)

One Character Who Might Cause A Scene:

Um. many options...

I think I'll go with Mulch. He definitely has a habit of causing a scene...

One Character Who Is Funny/Amusing:

*Foaly points urgently into the distance*
Foaly. (Or else Mulch, but he got the last question.) He's a centaur hacker who wears a tinfoil hat. And he has a great sense of humour. (Although I guess that depends on how much you have to work with him your stance. For example, Root can't stand him; Artemis, from memory, thinks he's funny.)

One Character Who Is Super Social/Popular:

Commander VinyƔya is well-respected and admired, and I always wished we'd seen more of her, so I'm going to invite her. I'm not sure how well she'll cope with Mulch, but she can talk military stuff with Holly and Root and Trouble.

One Villain:

Can I say Artemis again? does he count as a villain? he was a villain in the first book!

I JUST DON'T WANT TO INVITE OPAL, OKAY? She's crazy. Her description is literally "a psychotic pixie" except I think "megalomaniac", "power-crazed" and "paranoid" should be in there somewhere, along with "arrogant" and "screaming".

One Couple - Doesn't Have To Be Romantic:

Holly Short and Artemis (who's already been invited). Non-romantic. Just - they're so good together? They grow into best friends and it's awesome. Especially since, as Artemis says, he's never had a friend before [and doesn't know how it's done, but never mind].

Holly quote + incorrect Holly quote...

One Hero/Heroine:

Trouble Kelp. He turns out to be a pretty decent guy. And we have to have someone who'll provide support for our next character, Root. (Who, unfortunately, doesn't want to talk to Mulch, is entirely fed up with Foaly, and has a grudging tolerance of Artemis. Poor guy needs someone to talk to.)
Also not an actual quote... but now I think maybe Tumblr has
the Artemis Fowl fandom?? *slides off to check*

One Under Appreciated Character:

Captain Julius Root. He was so under-appreciated [by the aUTHOR] that he-

Excuse you, Colfer. How could you.

Or, y'know, in characters who didn't at any point [spoilers!], Artemis's psychologist. I wonder how much that man was paid, because it wasn't enough. (He's underappreciated, but I don't actually want to invite him...)

One Character Of Your Choice:

Juliet. She's actually not in many of the stories, and she's a bit of an airhead despite being able to take down almost anyone except her brother Butler, but I still like her.

You may notice the twins didn't get a mention. That's because, well, I don't like them. They talk baby-talk and yet one's basically more of a genius than Artemis (my suspension of disbelief survived hi-tech fairies and billionaire twelve-year-old villains, but died at this...) and the other one likes gross stuff and is happy to be referred to by his twin as "simple-toon". Dunno. Just don't like them.

No tagging today! Because I don't follow the rules have the rules handy so I obviously have no idea that I'm supposed to tag people hahahaa! Also because when I left the blogosphere for my unintended and completely ineffectual haitus, everyone was doing this tag. So. I'm fashionably late with the trends, as always. *waves awkwardly*

Have you read Artemis Fowl? If so: Who's your favourite character? Who do you think would cause the most of a scene? Would you invite Mulch? What do you think of the twins? Of Juliet? Is Foaly cool or not? Is Butler awesome or is he awesome??

If you haven't read them, you should give them a go! They're clean, as I recall, although there are... obviously... fairies and magic. With technology because apparently these fairies couldn't care less about iron. If you like evil child geniuses and banter, this series sounds great for you... as long as you don't mind characters dying. Don't worry, it's only permanent half the time.

I'm not going to ask if you noticed I was gone... that would sound desperate. xP

And finally... which guest do you think would be the final cause of my party literally blowing up??


  1. I did notice, Jem :). And I missed you dreadfully :).

    I've never read Artemis Fowl, but it sounds like a really cool series! I don't blame you for not inviting the real villian - I can't stand psychotic fairies either.

    Awesome post, Jem!


    1. Aw, thanks, Catherine! :)

      *shivers* Opal's crazy. CRAZY. I think I particularly fear her because she's unpredictable?

    2. (Not sure if that being the reason says more about her character or mine, though?)

  2. Welcome back! You have been missed!
    I haven't read much of Artemis Fowl, but I remember one of my brothers loved them.

    1. Really? *hugs*

      That's cool! Do your brothers read a lot, Blue?

    2. Really!

      Not so much. But back then he went through the Artemis Fowl novels, graphic novels, and audio book.

    3. Sounds like he was pretty dedicated to the series! ;)

  3. I sort of noticed you were gone...(I'm sorry. *awkward smile*) Seriously, I knew you were gone, but I can barely keep track of the blogs I follow...ANYWAY, great post. Haha, yeah, Lila's blog has changed. The new one is so aesthetic, though.

    I've never read Artemis Fowl. May have to look into it.

    ~Ivie|Ivie Writes

    1. Ehehe, that's more like the response I was expecting.... xD But there are so many blogs (and you're so active on them all, Ivie! 95% of the time when I click on a post, you've already commented!) so I'll forgive you. xP

      (I was on a library computer, so didn't have my bookmarks and wasn't signed in to anything, and and had to remember Lila's new blog?? like, from memory??? and my brain isn't used to that... ;P)

  4. Yay! You're back! I was actually really worried about you. I'm glad you're okay.

    This was hilarious and awesome. This tag is so much fun! I've never read the books, but I'm thinking about picking them up at some point.

    1. Sorry you were worried! and I am indeed okay; thanks for your concern, Sarah! <3 I just... life got crazy (although the problem was probably with my poor time management skills... ;)

      You should try them! They get a bit crazy by the, oh, fifth book? (time travel and such - one book is literally called "The Time Paradox") but by then you're invested. ;)

  5. DUDE, WELCOME BACK!!! (Good to know you're alive!) :D

    Great post, I read the Artemis Fowl, but it was so long ago that I need to re-read. XD

    1. THANKS, GRAY!! (I'm still as alive as I ever was... ;)

      I wouldn't mind a re-read as well, but it can be hard to find the time for a book you've already read, can't it!

  6. Ha! What an entrance :)
    I've only read the first book of this series, but from what I know, this dinner party sounds like it would be rather... precarious. I have some concerns that if Artemis shows up he'll have some ulterior motive which might lead to something blowing up?
    There's a white board at the library where the librarians write a question every week and people write their answers. A few weeks ago the question was "If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who would it be?" I wrote Peaceable Sherwood from The Sherwood Ring and my sister was mildly concerned, saying he might poison me or something. But he would be so entertaining.
    I feel like this dinner party might be similar: dangerous, but entertaining. :)


      Oh, yes, I'm fairly sure if Artemis takes the time to show up he'll definitely have an ulterior motive. And yes, it will most likely involve explosions. Good think I have Holly here to keep him slightly under control. (Except... by the end of the series she basically goes along with his insane plans?? so she might not be any help?? [Vinyaya. Help.])

      I haven't read The Sherwood Ring... but it sounds like you're inviting a serial poisoner to dinner? That would indeed be... entertaining... (I'm vaguely Worried, Magneto...)

  7. These books though. I read the first...three? Four? I don't remember now, but I never finished because the first three were the best ones anyway before time travel and weirdness was brought in. :P

    1. Truuue. The time travel and stuff definitely made the later books a bit weird. (It made character deaths a bit more flexible, too...)

      I agree, Jane - the characters are the best. ;) (So much banter... :D)

  8. Well, you are ALL GOOD with the rule thing, because... THERE WERE ACTUALLY NO RULES ANYWAY. :D

    Great answers, Jem! I've only read the first Artemis book and didn't like it enough to continue, but I remember some of those characters and agree with several things here. *nodnod* Because surprisingly, I remember some things about it, from when I read it years ago. xD

    Lila @ The Red-Hooded Writer

    1. Ah, that's good. ;)

      I'd howl "You didn't lIKE iT, Lilaaa?", but I have to say, not everyone will like those books. (Much as it pains my bookworm heart to admit that a favourite is not for everyone... ;P) For example, I loved the narrator voice, but it would probably annoy some other people.

      Which of my thoughts about the characters did you agree with? (I'm guessing it was Mulch making a scene??)

  9. I missed you a BUNCH Sam...don't disappear like that on me again. A wingsam is only good when they're around....

    I've heard of Artemis Fowl a few times, but don't really know what it's about? But the characters sound great!

    1. A wingsam... I'm a wingsam. *beams* (not sure what that is, but it sounds helpful? and kind?) Sorry for disappearing, Julian! (I missed you all too :)

      I should have put a summary of the first book in the post!

      Twelve-year-old Artemis is a brilliant criminal mastermind. But even he doesn't know what he's taken on when he kidnaps a fairy, Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon Unit. These aren't bedtime-story fairies; they're hi-tech, armed, capable of mind control, and dangerous. He thinks he's got them just where he wants them, but then they stop playing by the rules. (Adapted from blurb.)

      Holly is an angry elf and the first female in LEPrecon (so she has something to prove). Artemis kidnaps her; Foaly (IT; paranoid centaur) + Root (commanding officer; permanently bellowing) + Mulch (kleptomaniac dwarf Root really didn't want to have to bargain with, but needs for his... talents...) are among the fairies besieging Artemis's manor to get her back. Butler is Artemis's... butler... and bodyguard, he's pretty cool. And there's a heap of banter and stuff.

      There is magic, which I think you've said before is something you take into account? (If it's not right for you, don't read it, I won't judge ;)

  10. But seriously...the "this is just a note that says I do what I want" pretty much applies to my entire family, lol. We're just's do this...forget the rules.... I should do a post on that someday....

    1. Ooh, yes! From what you've mentioned of your family, I'd love to hear more about them! :D

    2. Oh yes! I'm pretty sure Julian's family just showed up to a race recently that DIDN'T HAVE DAY-OF REGESTRATION and was just like, "yo, man, what up? Can you let us in?"

      And all the other runners cheered and were like, "Hey! We know these people! Let them in, they're awesome!"

      Race director: "Sure! Jump right in!

      Ahh, I'm privileged to know them...

  11. I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem*

    I haven't read Artemis Fowl...I think I probably need to now though :P Thanks for growing my TBR, Jem! Don't know what I'd do without that! XD


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