yes it's been a full year, hi (+ character interview)

have a long post and watch me pretend nothing's out of the ordinary ahaha

Billie: Let us go, you controlling, delusional crazy person. It's been fifteen months -

Jem, cutting Billie off: Absolutely not! You have to admit that the comments we received on the first part of the interview do indicate a strong enjoyment of our little chat.

Billie: I don't have to admit anything, and I've no doubt any people saying they enjoyed it are also crazy. My heart goes out to their characters.

Rowan: I thought you claimed to not have a heart.

Billie: Do you disagree with my sentiment?

Rowan, to Jem: Please just let us go.

Jem: Why?

Rowan: This is already far beyond my tolerance level for her.

Jem: That's why we're enjoying it. Now, if Elsie could come up on stage?

Billie: You said Josie!

Jem: I changed my mind.

Elsie enters. Zephyr follows half a step beside her, eyes scanning the surroundings. Yala follows, but stops subtly at the edge of the room to watch. 

Elsie, seeing Billie: ...you're dead.

Jem: Ehh, non-canon situation, we can skip over that, okay?

Billie: ...your concern for my sister's emotional well-being is truly overwhelming.

Jem: *shrugs happily*

Billie: Zephyr.

Zephyr: Isobel. I was troubled to hear of the recent happenings. It is good to see you in health.

Jem: 'good'? something is GOOD? okay, that's quite enough of that kind of talk. We shall have none of that. Ceci?

Ceci: Zephyr, what is the stupidest thing you've ever done? 

Zephyr: I once stood on a cliff and tried to jump.

Jem, making eye contact with the fourth wall: look at the marvelous results of true love in the hands of the author, guys.

Elsie: Are you even human?

Jem: It has been debated. Do go on, Zephyr?

Zephyr: It was a dark time. I had trouble seeing a reason to go on, and the sea held a certain morbid attraction for me. I owe my life to Yala. He told me that by drowning my own weight of loss and guilt I would double his. At the time it felt like further burden, but he has my endless thanks. Even more so now that I am with Elsabeth again.

Elsie: I'm sorry, Zephyr, I would have told you if I could. I'm sorry. Yala, you have my utmost thanks.

Yala: My honour, Elsabeth. Although I must confess, I was as relieved for his highness's sake as for your own when he discovered that you - and your sisters - were -

Billie: - perfectly fine on our own?? Look. I know the two of you *gestures at Zephyr and Elsie* had the whole true love thing going on, and I'm sorry that turned tragic, but you've exposed us!

Rowan: ...Hold up. "Perfectly fine on your own"?

Billie: Is there even a reason for you to be involved in this conversation?

Rowan: "Perfectly fine on your own." Let's look at that statement. One of you - apparently the most functional - took the first opportunity to leave. Good for you, Elsie, by the way. One of you took that opportunity to run off into the forest and join a bunch of strange men, armed men, who she'd never met before. And one of you was prisoner of a beast, presumed dead, thus providing the said opportunity for the other two to leave your hidden forest life. This translates to "perfectly fine" how, exactly?

Billie: Because shut up, that's how.

Jem: okay, guys. Let's keep it together while we're in the public eye, maybe? hmm? Next question's for Yala, a kind of follow up from the last one.

Erik: Count Yala, IS ZEPHYR OKAY??

Yala: His highness is well, and has recently made much progress towards being, as you put it, "okay". I thank you for your concern, Erik, and I appreciate that there are people who care for Zephyr's wellbeing.

Billie: The people reading this don't actually care.

Jem: Billie!

Billie: What? If they did, they wouldn't treat their own characters in such a way that they weren't okay!

Jem: ...you're a character. You can't see the bigger picture. Next question.

Rowan: I can't believe we've only had two questions so far. How many more are there?

Jem: A dozen. Or so.

Rowan: I'll just die now, shall I?

Billie: Do it quietly, would you?

Blue: Zephyr, do you have any hidden talents? (and is it possible to have a demonstration?)

Zephyr: As a prince of [author insert: whoops I forgot to name the country, haha, just ignore me dying here], I make efforts to improve myself across areas of skill and learning, although these are hardly hidden. One skill - I will not say talent - which has been developed over many years is that of diplomacy.

Billie: ...and for a demo....?

Zephyr: I may be recovering from emotional turmoil, Isobel, and not in the clearest headspace, but even so I am not insane enough to attempt diplomacy on this situation. I'm merely hoping to end this with all my limbs intact.

Rowan: oh, no, but who here would possibly be a threat to your limbs, your highness? *looks over to the Beast, who sniffs*

Billie: I'd be watching out for your own limbs, Rowan. And don't think it'll be the Beast that gets you.

Jem: [another author insert: Zephyr is good at poetry. I am not and refuse to try. Imagine an epic poem, not at all cheesy or over-the-top, and yet full of emotion. Now insert it here. Thanks. And while you're at it could you finish the WIP, awesome, thanks.]


Jem: Aren't you still in the Beast's bad books yourself for that time you smashed his china? and that other time you smashed his china? and also for shredding a couple of ferns?

Billie: ...

Jem: actually! that was a super-subtle segue into our next questions! *pats self on back* Count Laszlo [the Beast], the next question's for you.

Melissa: Count Laszlo, do you like ferns or did they just show up in your house?

Laszlo: Ah. When I first came to the house, many years ago, the previous inhabitant had left some plants in the conservatory. After that, though, ferns quickly became my hobby. 

Blue: Count Laszlo, is your fern collection local, or do you cultivate foreign species as well?

Laszlo: Well! The initial plants were, I believe, collected from around the forest. Once I started cultivating them seriously, however, I confess I have sought out more exotic varieties. The silver fern, for example, had to be brought to this country by ship - and it's harder than you would expect, as it grows naturally on trees and must have - 

Rowan: well, that's a valuable use of time and power and a giant house. Cultivating ferns.

Laszlo: Excuse you.

Billie: I suppose you saw a few of them while you were breaking in...

Rowan: I wasn't paying attention to the plants -

Billie: ...and tying me to the table leg.

Rowan: would you STOP with that

Billie: ...why? uncomfortable having your criminal tendencies brought up before an audience?

Rowan: Kik was part of that as well!

Kik: Look, Rowan, don't drag me into your relationship problems.

Rowan and Billie: *both choke*

Laszlo: ...I can't say I disagree with him.

Grace Marie: Billie, who's the most annoying most of the time?

Billie: …how can you ASK THAT.

Billie: you can see how annoying the people around me are??

Billie: how am I supposed to pi-  

Billie, deadpan: It's Rowan. 

Rowan: ...you have two sisters.

Billie: yes, and?

Rowan: Doesn't that count for anything?

Billie: It shows how high the bar was.

Kik: Just so you know, Rowan, I'm with her. You're annoying...ly dull.

Billie: I'm not talking to you, Kik, not after the last thing you "contributed" to this interview.

Julia: Billie, if a portal opened allowing you to get out of your book (to another), would you?

Billie: ...Can I take people with me?

Jem: Of course not, where would be the emotional manipulation in that??

Billie: Then no. I can't leave my sisters - more than I already have. *looks sideways at Rowan* Can I send him through the portal?

Laszlo: Please do.

Kik: No! my ship!

Elsie: ...what.

Kik: I mean... *coughs* he's our leader? Hood's Men and all?

Nicole: Billie, how do you put up with all these people??

Billie: …I have no idea. I've learned that sarcasm can only take me so far -

Jem: - This may or may not be the lesson she learns from her journey through the story! -

Billie: - so I'm keeping track of my options at the moment.

Kik: and what are those?

Billie: top of the list is currently murder. :) :) :)

Rowan: I can help hide the body.

Laszlo: Boy, I'm fairly certain you're going to be the body.


Jem: And on that high note, let's end things there!! Josie will be arriving for the next part of the interview! I'd have brought her in earlier, but... *looks across at the cast*

*Rowan and the Beast are snarling at each other, Billie is giving them the stink-eye while having a passive-aggressive discussion with Elsie regarding the executive decisions she made for the three of them, Kik is talking to Zephyr, who looks alarmed, and Yala appears to have a headache*

Jem: ...but I can only handle so many at once. 

........

A few tiny things I should mention:

• Regarding the interview: they don't even talk like this now?? Rowan and Billie haven't been bickering in the draft?? I must fix this.
• but! we still have questions to go! there will be another post. And if it's inconsistent with the previous two, forgive me - my draft for Three Sisters must have gone through some character development (it needed it......)
• And regarding my shocking return to the spheres of the internet: (some spheres. like, at least one. maybe.)
• I've been avoiding this post/my return to blogging! because I'm afraid I won't really "return", I'll just go missing again?? (it's like I know myself, ugh) And I don't want to be constantly sporadic! (wow look, the perfect oxymoron for me) 
• So my brain has decided that complete radio silence is somehow better. 
• Thanks, brain. 
• After one year in library admin (I enjoyed it immensely), I'm now a casual library assistant! As someone who spent my first year after graduating school just sort of... flopping around on the internet?... *dies in shame*... life in general has been a bit different. It's good, though! I have a job I love. I have my own car. I have a new laptop which doesn't overheat. 

And I love you all and I want to come back to blogging! but (as those of you who have sent me emails and received no response know) I am not good at consistent socialising! or something. I don't know why I'm like this??? I literally have emails over a year old from very nice people who want to know how I'm doing and chat and I just?? (IF THIS IS YOU, I'M SO SORRY.)

aaanyway. I'm now going to leave and pretend the likelihood of being away for an unspecified length of time isn't stupidly high, hahaha. I WILL TRY TO NOT.

If you're one of the people who's waiting on a email or other response from me, nudge me in the comments so I can continue pretending I don't see anything, nope, *casual panicked whistling* get reminded and can make a list of people who care and shall be responded to with love.


Also does anyone have tips for when your brain just refuses to acknowledge something that should be done? I know I claimed the title Master Procrastinator but this is downright r i d i c u l o u s

also also. I am currently unable to open any websites that aren't https?? I think it's something to do with how our router's been set up and I will check with Dad. but currently, no go. boooo.