Friday, 13 March 2020

yes it's been a full year, hi (+ character interview)

have a long post and watch me pretend nothing's out of the ordinary ahaha

Billie: Let us go, you controlling, delusional crazy person. It's been fifteen months -

Jem, cutting Billie off: Absolutely not! You have to admit that the comments we received on the first part of the interview do indicate a strong enjoyment of our little chat.

Billie: I don't have to admit anything, and I've no doubt any people saying they enjoyed it are also crazy. My heart goes out to their characters.

Rowan: I thought you claimed to not have a heart.

Billie: Do you disagree with my sentiment?

Rowan, to Jem: Please just let us go.

Jem: Why?

Rowan: This is already far beyond my tolerance level for her.

Jem: That's why we're enjoying it. Now, if Elsie could come up on stage?

Billie: You said Josie!

Jem: I changed my mind.

Elsie enters. Zephyr follows half a step beside her, eyes scanning the surroundings. Yala follows, but stops subtly at the edge of the room to watch. 

Elsie, seeing Billie:'re dead.

Jem: Ehh, non-canon situation, we can skip over that, okay?

Billie: ...your concern for my sister's emotional well-being is truly overwhelming.

Jem: *shrugs happily*

Billie: Zephyr.

Zephyr: Isobel. I was troubled to hear of the recent happenings. It is good to see you in health.

Jem: 'good'? something is GOOD? okay, that's quite enough of that kind of talk. We shall have none of that. Ceci?

Ceci: Zephyr, what is the stupidest thing you've ever done? 

Zephyr: I once stood on a cliff and tried to jump.

Jem, making eye contact with the fourth wall: look at the marvelous results of true love in the hands of the author, guys.

Elsie: Are you even human?

Jem: It has been debated. Do go on, Zephyr?

Zephyr: It was a dark time. I had trouble seeing a reason to go on, and the sea held a certain morbid attraction for me. I owe my life to Yala. He told me that by drowning my own weight of loss and guilt I would double his. At the time it felt like further burden, but he has my endless thanks. Even more so now that I am with Elsabeth again.

Elsie: I'm sorry, Zephyr, I would have told you if I could. I'm sorry. Yala, you have my utmost thanks.

Yala: My honour, Elsabeth. Although I must confess, I was as relieved for his highness's sake as for your own when he discovered that you - and your sisters - were -

Billie: - perfectly fine on our own?? Look. I know the two of you *gestures at Zephyr and Elsie* had the whole true love thing going on, and I'm sorry that turned tragic, but you've exposed us!

Rowan: ...Hold up. "Perfectly fine on your own"?

Billie: Is there even a reason for you to be involved in this conversation?

Rowan: "Perfectly fine on your own." Let's look at that statement. One of you - apparently the most functional - took the first opportunity to leave. Good for you, Elsie, by the way. One of you took that opportunity to run off into the forest and join a bunch of strange men, armed men, who she'd never met before. And one of you was prisoner of a beast, presumed dead, thus providing the said opportunity for the other two to leave your hidden forest life. This translates to "perfectly fine" how, exactly?

Billie: Because shut up, that's how.

Jem: okay, guys. Let's keep it together while we're in the public eye, maybe? hmm? Next question's for Yala, a kind of follow up from the last one.

Erik: Count Yala, IS ZEPHYR OKAY??

Yala: His highness is well, and has recently made much progress towards being, as you put it, "okay". I thank you for your concern, Erik, and I appreciate that there are people who care for Zephyr's wellbeing.

Billie: The people reading this don't actually care.

Jem: Billie!

Billie: What? If they did, they wouldn't treat their own characters in such a way that they weren't okay!

Jem:'re a character. You can't see the bigger picture. Next question.

Rowan: I can't believe we've only had two questions so far. How many more are there?

Jem: A dozen. Or so.

Rowan: I'll just die now, shall I?

Billie: Do it quietly, would you?

Blue: Zephyr, do you have any hidden talents? (and is it possible to have a demonstration?)

Zephyr: As a prince of [author insert: whoops I forgot to name the country, haha, just ignore me dying here], I make efforts to improve myself across areas of skill and learning, although these are hardly hidden. One skill - I will not say talent - which has been developed over many years is that of diplomacy.

Billie: ...and for a demo....?

Zephyr: I may be recovering from emotional turmoil, Isobel, and not in the clearest headspace, but even so I am not insane enough to attempt diplomacy on this situation. I'm merely hoping to end this with all my limbs intact.

Rowan: oh, no, but who here would possibly be a threat to your limbs, your highness? *looks over to the Beast, who sniffs*

Billie: I'd be watching out for your own limbs, Rowan. And don't think it'll be the Beast that gets you.

Jem: [another author insert: Zephyr is good at poetry. I am not and refuse to try. Imagine an epic poem, not at all cheesy or over-the-top, and yet full of emotion. Now insert it here. Thanks. And while you're at it could you finish the WIP, awesome, thanks.]

Jem: Aren't you still in the Beast's bad books yourself for that time you smashed his china? and that other time you smashed his china? and also for shredding a couple of ferns?

Billie: ...

Jem: actually! that was a super-subtle segue into our next questions! *pats self on back* Count Laszlo [the Beast], the next question's for you.

Melissa: Count Laszlo, do you like ferns or did they just show up in your house?

Laszlo: Ah. When I first came to the house, many years ago, the previous inhabitant had left some plants in the conservatory. After that, though, ferns quickly became my hobby. 

Blue: Count Laszlo, is your fern collection local, or do you cultivate foreign species as well?

Laszlo: Well! The initial plants were, I believe, collected from around the forest. Once I started cultivating them seriously, however, I confess I have sought out more exotic varieties. The silver fern, for example, had to be brought to this country by ship - and it's harder than you would expect, as it grows naturally on trees and must have - 

Rowan: well, that's a valuable use of time and power and a giant house. Cultivating ferns.

Laszlo: Excuse you.

Billie: I suppose you saw a few of them while you were breaking in...

Rowan: I wasn't paying attention to the plants -

Billie: ...and tying me to the table leg.

Rowan: would you STOP with that

Billie: ...why? uncomfortable having your criminal tendencies brought up before an audience?

Rowan: Kik was part of that as well!

Kik: Look, Rowan, don't drag me into your relationship problems.

Rowan and Billie: *both choke*

Laszlo: ...I can't say I disagree with him.

Grace Marie: Billie, who's the most annoying most of the time?

Billie: …how can you ASK THAT.

Billie: you can see how annoying the people around me are??

Billie: how am I supposed to pi-  

Billie, deadpan: It's Rowan. 

Rowan: have two sisters.

Billie: yes, and?

Rowan: Doesn't that count for anything?

Billie: It shows how high the bar was.

Kik: Just so you know, Rowan, I'm with her. You're dull.

Billie: I'm not talking to you, Kik, not after the last thing you "contributed" to this interview.

Julia: Billie, if a portal opened allowing you to get out of your book (to another), would you?

Billie: ...Can I take people with me?

Jem: Of course not, where would be the emotional manipulation in that??

Billie: Then no. I can't leave my sisters - more than I already have. *looks sideways at Rowan* Can I send him through the portal?

Laszlo: Please do.

Kik: No! my ship!

Elsie: ...what.

Kik: I mean... *coughs* he's our leader? Hood's Men and all?

Nicole: Billie, how do you put up with all these people??

Billie: …I have no idea. I've learned that sarcasm can only take me so far -

Jem: - This may or may not be the lesson she learns from her journey through the story! -

Billie: - so I'm keeping track of my options at the moment.

Kik: and what are those?

Billie: top of the list is currently murder. :) :) :)

Rowan: I can help hide the body.

Laszlo: Boy, I'm fairly certain you're going to be the body.

Jem: And on that high note, let's end things there!! Josie will be arriving for the next part of the interview! I'd have brought her in earlier, but... *looks across at the cast*

*Rowan and the Beast are snarling at each other, Billie is giving them the stink-eye while having a passive-aggressive discussion with Elsie regarding the executive decisions she made for the three of them, Kik is talking to Zephyr, who looks alarmed, and Yala appears to have a headache*

Jem: ...but I can only handle so many at once. 

A few tiny things I should mention:

  • Regarding the interview: they don't even talk like this now?? Rowan and Billie haven't been bickering in the draft?? I must fix this.
  • but! we still have questions to go! there will be another post. And if it's inconsistent with the previous two, forgive me - my draft for Three Sisters must have gone through some character development (it needed it......)
  • And regarding my shocking return to the spheres of the internet: (some spheres. like, at least one. maybe.)
    • I've been avoiding this post/my return to blogging! because I'm afraid I won't really "return", I'll just go missing again?? (it's like I know myself, ugh) And I don't want to be constantly sporadic! (wow look, the perfect oxymoron for me) 
    • So my brain has decided that complete radio silence is somehow better. 
    • Thanks, brain. 
    • After one year in library admin (I enjoyed it immensely), I'm now a casual library assistant! As someone who spent my first year after graduating school just sort of... flopping around on the internet?... *dies in shame*... life in general has been a bit different. It's good, though! I have a job I love. I have my own car. I have a new laptop which doesn't overheat. 

And I love you all and I want to come back to blogging! but (as those of you who have sent me emails and received no response know) I am not good at consistent socialising! or something. I don't know why I'm like this??? I literally have emails over a year old from very nice people who want to know how I'm doing and chat and I just?? (IF THIS IS YOU, I'M SO SORRY.)

aaanyway. I'm now going to leave and pretend the likelihood of being away for an unspecified length of time isn't stupidly high, hahaha. I WILL TRY TO NOT.

If you're one of the people who's waiting on a email or other response from me, nudge me in the comments so I can continue pretending I don't see anything, nope, *casual panicked whistling* get reminded and can make a list of people who care and shall be responded to with love.

Also does anyone have tips for when your brain just refuses to acknowledge something that should be done? I know I claimed the title Master Procrastinator but this is downright r i d i c u l o u s

also also. I am currently unable to open any websites that aren't https?? I think it's something to do with how our router's been set up and I will check with Dad. but currently, no go. boooo. 


  1. YES!!! Jem is here!!!! *Runs around with a megaphone so the whole world can hear about the news*

    I maybe have an email floating around there, but I totally understand if you're unable to respond.

    Perhaps look into executive dysfunction? I'm not super knowledgeable about it, but what I've read (which, again, is very little) might explain your block in regards to doing things.

    1. SHH SARAH there's way too much pressure if the world knows xD

      You are indeed one of the lovely people who emailed to check on me, and I will try to reply to your reply soon!

    Congrats on your job, I'm so happy for you and that you've been doing well. <3
    Just being back on your blog makes me so nostalgic, oh wow. :))

    1. No one is more surprised than I am, Gray!! and thanks. :)

      I was actually going to email you with a question regarding something on your blog - is your email still the one you subscribed with (in 2017)?

    2. Cool - I've sent it through :)


    Also, I miss your blog posts and your humor and Laszlo and Kik and Billie and allllllll the characters!! <3

    1. *enthusiastically joins in the screaming*

      They're very pleased to hear that SOMEONE, at least, remembers them! ...Since I... apparently... abandoned them...

  4. So glad you're back!!! Even if it's only for one post before dissapearing again for several months- which I would NEVER do (translation: this is literally what I do. Help.). Glad to hear that Zephyr is ok :)
    "Boy, I'm fairly certain you are going to BE the body" HAHAHAHAHA. This is beautiful. This whole interview is so much fun :) Thanks for forcing your character-- er, politely asking them to participate ;)

    1. *cough cough splutter* I would NEVER do that! (translation: I've just done this for the past year. Help.)

      FORCE my characters to participate? psh, who do you think I am?? they were all absolutely overjoyed to be here, Erik?? *slaps hand over Billie's mouth* OVERJOYED.

  5. HEY! SHE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I am so excited to see how your characters have changed over the year!

    Ok tbh, I'm excited just to see you back in the blogging world so you could honestly just post one word updates on the color of your toenails every week and I'd be happy

    ( worn off

    1. *promptly dies*

      Oh, these characters have changed so much - even though I've barely written anything in that time. Just in my head, mostly?? I feel like they're different to what I thought they were. (also, I'm torturing them, and that makes you reconsider their history - after all, it has to be MAXIMUM IMPACT)

      uh sorry to disappoint, MK, but that would be SUPER UNINTERESTING because I've never painted my toenails xD (bare... bare... dirty... bare... bLACK BECAUSE I DROPPED THE WEIGHT OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES ON THAT ONE...)


  6. I'm so glad you're here! It's so nice to see your stuff on my feed again. :)

    I am also a master procrastinator. What's really helped me this year is deciding how often I want to post (which is not very often) and planning my stuff ahead of time. I post every 2 weeks these days, which gives me enough time to craft something, but it definitely helps to already have my post ideas. Brainstorming is so hard though!

    Hope you'll be back sooner rather than later!

    BTW, your characters sound HILARIOUS.

    1. Thanks, Emily! Fortnightly sounds like a good rate, actually.

      Ultimately I want to make my characters a lovely blend of hilarious and heartbreaking - we'll see how that goes. *bright smile of an author with no conscience* *remembers Faithless* *decides I do, comparatively, have a conscience* *but Emily dOES NOT, WHERE WAS THE HAPPY ENDING EMILY, WHERE WAS IT* *dies*

  7. OH MY GOODNESS. YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!! *confetti* *brings an endless supply of cookies*

    It's so good to see you (and your characters) again!! :) <3 <3

    1. *drowns in confetti* *revives to eat biscuits* Thanks, Nicole! <3

  8. This interview was GOLD!!! So excited to see you back in the blogging business, Jem! Missed ya <3

    1. I missed everyone too, Lila! It's exciting (and vaguely terrifying because Dependability [and my lack thereof]) to be back!

  9. I am seriously in love with these characters now. It's official. There's no going back.

    I must say I think Kik and I would get along splendidly. XD He and I both have the same OTP, it seems, and THOSE TWO BETTER GET TOGETHER OR I WILL *SUE*. *brandishes pitchfork threateningly*

    Also also also!! >> Laszlo: Boy, I'm fairly certain you're going to be the body << I LOVE LASZLO AND AM OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH THIS BOOK. XD I have a feeling that I shall fangirl over these characters till I die, so that's something...

    AND. One last thing. LOL YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD AT RESPONDING TO MESSAGES??? I have a letter that I literally wrote to you at the START OF MARCH. I sealed it up and finished it, but have I actually sent it yet?? NOPE. And now because of the whole quarantine thing, I probably won't be ABLE to send it to you until after all this is over because it's so thick. #funtimes But it's fine. Maybe I'll just split them into fifty envelopes and send them all separate. It'll be a game! XD

    1. *brandishes pitchfork* I'LL EXCHANGE IT FOR THADALINE, KENZIE. xP (I'm flattered you like them so much... Kik and Laszlo appreciate having some support. xD)

      THE START OF MARCH, THAT'S CUTE. It's only the start of April?? (Although I suppose if you've finished actually writing it, and then it's been sitting, you miiiight still be in the running.) (ooh, you could chop them into bits and make it a puzzle in several envelopes! xD)


Comment away! I read all comments - no matter how old the post may be! - and I'll try to reply. Just keep your words appropriate so I won't have to delete your comment (I'd hate to have to do that).