Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Beware: I'm a Writer || or: meet my family!

Everyone knows writers are dangerous people to be around, right? We have the whole "if you annoy me I'll put you in my book and kill you" thing.

Which I have never done. Yet.

But people-watching is a great way to get new characters. Or figure out how your characters would realistically act. Or get hilarious dialogue. Which is what I'm here for today.

Sometimes I overhear things I reeeally want to use in my writing. And, since I don't leave the house that often, most of these things are overheard from my family.

If you're reading this, my dear family... I'm sorry. But you're living with a writer.

things my family have said (that I want to put in a book one day)

Sister 2: Are you asleep?
Me: ...yes.

Brother 2: "Canada's crashing the holiday bus!"
[I refuse to give you any context.]

Sister: Why is there water in my spot? *stabs it with her fork*

Me: ...why are you wearing sunglasses?
Brother 1: these are not sunglasses
Brother 1: these are night vision glasses
Brother 1: they make it look like it's night

Brother 2: I see two stars in a line!

Brother 2: (singing) You make me wanna shout
                  Kick my heels up and shout
                  Throw my arms up and shout
                  *trails off* ...and catch them?
Me: ...How?
Brother 2: ...with my hands. I kept those.

Sister 1: Do I have conversation in my eyes??

Mum: New rule. No Batman at the dinner table.
Sister 1: *hands still spread over her face in a 'mask'* *raspy voice* But... I'm Batman.
Mum: No.
Sister 1: ...
Sister 1: *dives under table*
Sister 1: *comes back out, rather disheveled* Batman had to go.
[We'd just seen the trailer for The Lego Batman Movie. Just. the. trailer.]

Mum: What are you doing on the roof?
General sibling group: ...what?
Mum: What are you doing on the roof?

Sister 1: You get too attached to things that are too easily broken.
Brother 2: *clutches his Lego creations protectively*
Brother 2: You used to cry too when it was pack-up time.

Brother 1: Can I borrow your camera? I'll try not to fill it up.
Me: With photos of bugs?
Brother 1: *walking away* *completely seriously* No, dragons. 

Brother 2: *into disconnected radio* Got a coffee, mate, got a coffee?
Me: ...
[I don't know how universal it may or may not be, but Aussie truckies open UHF conversations with "Got a copy, mate?"]

Sister 1: My genius is ruined on you.
Me: I think you mean wasted?

Any sibling: There's a bug in my dinner!!
Dad: It's fine. He won't eat much.
[On the other hand, if it's a caterpillar, the answer is "He only tastes like the cabbage, that's all he's ever eaten..."]

Sister 1: She thinks she's the bee's bonnets.

Sister 1: *drinking*
Me: *comes into kitchen*
Sister 1: *drops cup of water* *slaps her hands across her face in her 'mask'*
               *raspy voice* ...What do you want?
Me: ...
Me: Don't forget to clean that up.
Sister 1: ...but I'm Batman.

Sister 1 is the drama queen of the family (and the possibility of her reading this post is... higher than I'd like.) Do you have siblings, and do they sometimes say downright hilarious things? Or are you the hilarious one in your family? What's the funniest dialogue you've overheard? (doesn't have to be from your family!) Is this standard Dad behaviour, and do you have any message for Sister 1?? (I suggest stop being such a drama queen, kid, but I suppose I'm biased?)


  1. I'M DYING, JEM!! Your little sister with the Batman obsession, OMW, so cute!!!!! XD

    1. Sister 1 is probably almost your age, Gray... if she was six or seven, it might be cute! [I, of course, do not quote Lego Batman. Constantly. Course not. *cough* No Lego Batman obsession here!]

  2. Ohmygosh this is so great. XD I love how Brother 2 was singing that song they keep putting in ads on the TV now, and his ending line! Fabulous. :D Really fun post to read!

    1. Sometimes I wonder how kids can come up with such funny/smart things to say! I'm glad you enjoyed the post, Melissa. :)

  3. The Batman thing! Unfortunately, that is me. XDDDDDD

    1. As long as your family appreciates your Batman references, Faith! xD

  4. Oh my gosh, that's funny. "But I'm Batman."
    The crazy stuff families say, lol. Great post and hey, you fixed your sidebar! That's awesome. :D


    1. Families can be crazy! (but to be honest mine probably thinks the same about me?)

      And yes - it took a lot of digging through code, but I managed to fix the sidebar. (Your feedback was especially helpful, Ivie, so thank you!) :D

  5. This is great!!! I think I had a bit too much fun reading this!

  6. Oh my goodness SIBLINGS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS. The Batman thing though. :'D Your "Sister 1" reminds me of my little sis. Just a couple of days ago, my sister and I were playing this game - I think it's called Pigmania - and I lost. Terribly. I started complaining about how depressed I was, and she said, "This isn't the Great Depression!"

    I need to start keeping a whole notebook JUST for the funny things that people say.

    1. Siblings can be hilarious xD

      Definitely keep a notebook, Zane! I have to write things down or I'll forget... which is, of course, an excellent excuse for collecting notebooks...

  7. I think I love your family, Jem!! Reminds me of my own family...saying and doing some of the funniest things!!

    But I'm Batman...

    To your Sister 1: Don't stop, girl, you are wonderful!!!

    1. I'd love to read posts about other people's hilarious families, Julian - so feel free to write one!

      No I'M Batman??

      I will... pass that on to Sister 1. *grumbles* If she'd stop for just a liiittle while, I'd appreciate it... ;P

  8. This is awesome! Writing material is everywhere, but the best quotes and scenarios can often come from family members.

    Brother 2: "Canada's crashing the holiday bus!".....I wish you would give some context. Is this something for which I need to apologize?

    1. I think it might be because our family members aren't concerned with how they behave around us? (Then again, you'd think they'd KNOW not to loosen up and be weird around us writers...) Regardless, there's writing gold to be found in families!

      Oh, Blue. How could you even ask... xD No, I can explain the context if you'd like - it was just funnier without ;) So. Brother 2 has a small teddy bear which a family member brought from Canada; it also has the Canadian flag embroidered on its back. So, being the imaginative child he is... it was named 'Canada'. Add that bear to a bunch of other bears/stuffed toys, and stuff them all in a toy bus, and add sisters... well, it was a dramatic game. xD

  9. This was just so funny and relatable. SUCH GREAT POSTS JEM!!! <3

  10. That was fun to read! Especially 'Got a coffee, mate, got a coffee?' It made me laugh. :) Siblings are awesome.

    1. Thanks, Jessica! (Is 'got a copy, mate?' a distinctly Australian phrase, do you know?)

  11. Oh my goodness; these cracked me up. I love them. There are a lot of things my family says that would be epic (in a hilarious way) in a book. XD

    1. You definitely should put some of the things your family says in a book, Kendra! (and then let them read it and see if they spot them xD)

  12. Your family sounds spectacular. This post is SO HILARIOUS. I'm just sitting her grinning stupidly at the computer screen. Especially "....with my hands. I kept those." Sounds like my little sister. :)

    1. "I'm just sitting here grinning stupidly at the computer screen" - MY DAY IS MADE. THANK YOU, TEMPERAMENTAL WRITER.

  13. YES MY DAD SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT TOO. *sighs* He thinks he's hilarious and we all just roll our eyes.😂 My family gives me GREAT and amazing dialogue ideas to steal. I mean, what's the point of having a family if you can't steal from them and then make money off your books and basically be rich and famous???? It's a perfect plan. :')

    1. NO Cait, families are not just for stealing ideas from! ...they are also for bringing us food. And for talking to strange people so we don't have to.

      And being rich means I could build a bookcase that rotates to reveal a secret library... so I won't say no. xD

  14. This was hilarious xD You MUST put these in a book one day! x'D

    I think my dad has the best lines. I have yet to write a character who uses them ;)

    audrey caylin

    1. I'd love to use these lines, but sadly my WIP doesn't suit them. :( ONE DAY.

      Your dad must be awesome, Audrey. ;) (but imagine him one day reading your book and slowly going "That sounds familiar..." xD)

  15. Oh my word, Jem! These were hilarious. I love hearing family conversations like this!! :D

    I loved the one about your brother singing! "Throw my arms up and shout *trails off* ...and catch them? Me: ...How? Brother 2: ...with my hands. I kept those." Mwahahaha. That is just TOO funny!!! *grins*

    Your dad's comment on the bug in the food sounds just like something my dad would say!! Dads are the best!! :D :D

    Sister 1 sounds like a hilariously fun person. :D

    Thanks for sharing these, Jem. This was a highly entertaining post, and I enjoyed it very much. (Oh, and your choice of gifs was perfect!) You should definitely include some of these snippets in a story sometime. :)

    ~Miss March

    1. Dads are awesome, I agree!! :D And Mum, too, although she didn't come into this post much! Mums are awesome too (they're superheroes ;).

      Sister 1 can definitely be fun... or super annoying xD (Because I'm an old grump who's trying to write.) But I do love her!
      . (...sister of mine, if you're reading this... go away.)

      I'm so glad you found it entertaining, Miss March! And thank you for the lovely long comment :)

  16. Wow - I just laughed so much! Reminds me tons of my family (I have ten younger siblings). I love conversations... making it and hearing it. Today while cleaning a house for an older couple they were discussing how they were going to be going to some funerals soon (friends that would most likely die soon).
    Lady: There's (lists a bunch of names). I feel like I'm missing someone?
    Guy: *all serious like* Ours.
    Neither of them laugh. I almost did. But they were serious and just agreeing with eachother....

    1. THAT IS SO FUNNY. (But I also feel a bit bad for finding it funny.) But why were they talking about who among their friends would likely die soon?? This is definitely a story-worthy piece of dialogue. Thank you, Keturah! :)


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